Starting a New

When I first got divorced it was the weirdest feeling in the world for me. Not only did I have to deal with a failed marriage, but also with healing. For years I struggled to not leave just for the simple fact that I wanted to be sure that I didnt give up just because it was too hard and that I had done everything I could as a wife to make it work. When he cheated I didnt truly hold him fully accountable instead I thought that just maybe I should do more to keep him from cheating. Of course that never worked and I found myself stepping outside of my own morals just to try to satisfy his desires in hopes that he would stop. I could say the demise of our marriage was all his fault, but the things I did certainly didnt help it along either. I had love confused in my head as so many do. I felt if I love this man and show him that I will do anything to satisfy him that somehow this would enhance our marriage and change how he treated me. Well of course that wasnt true. Instead, I lost myself in him. I never called on him to truly be a man. He never had to fill out paper work, he didnt have a clue how to pay the bills, or even take care of the business for the house because I did everything in addition to raising the kids, cooking and cleaning. His bath water would be ran when he got home with a meal. I have to chuckle now because he wouldnt even come home half the times towards the end.  I woud even find him jobs and fill out the applications for him. I was like his mom almost except we slept together. When it was all said and done and the papers were signed I had lost myself in him and the truth was I had no one to blame. At the time of my marriage I didnt really understand that I was designed to be covered by my husband. I was all out of my role trying to just satisfy him, not realizing as a man it was his job to protect, and provide not just monetarily but spiritually. I said all of this to say dont ever lose yourself to keep anyone. Know who you are and what you deserve. Anyone that truly loves you will enhance you, and wont allow you to compromise yourself to satisfy them.