Birthday Wisdom

41 of the things I have learned in my 41 yrs....not in order of importance 1. Adulting is not near as fun as it seemed before I was an adult 2. Sometimes love isnt enough 3. My parents really DO know what they are talking about 4. Someone leaving you after you have sex is not the worse thing that could happen....they could actually stay! 5. Love at first sight is lust 6. You can be lonely with someone laying right next to you 7. Age does not equal maturity 8. Kids are the best torture you can ever have 9. Men REALLY dont know 10. Dont ever say what you would NEVER do 11. Friends are not a dime a dozen 12. God is REAL 13. My granny's old remedies work 14. I should have spent more time tapping into all of the wisdom my Grandma's had before they left this world 15. Dont forget your past but dont live in it 16. Learn to do nice things for yourself or you will become resentful 17. Everything doesn't require a response 18. Pause. Think. Breathe. Then speak when in a disagreement with someone. 19. Two reasonable people can agree to disagree 20. 18 isnt Truly grown....neither is 21...and 11 yrs later 30 is questionable 21. You really do get back double what you give. 22. You learn more of what you want in a mate when you have all of what you don't want in one 23. People tend to expect way more from you than they are willing to give themselves 24. Church people and Christians are two different people 25. There is always someone watching 26. Blessings come from the least expected places 27. Communication can make or break any kind of relationship 28. Let HIM do it 29. The one you want the most is usually not the one that wants you the most 30. Just because you dont agree with someone doesnt make them a bad person 31. Metabolism slows down... 32. All men are not the same. 33. Lies sound better than the truth most times but the truth is better for you 34. My mom is more gangster than anyone I know 35. Family doesnt have to be blood 36. It's ok if someone doesn't like me. 37. Snuggling is over rated 38. Kids don't remember as much about material things as they do you being there 39. No man will ever be good enough for my daddy 40. Do my best so I won't feel bad about the outcome 41. Having people who love, support and believe in you can make a big difference in your day to day life. Marsha Norwood Broderick Knight Esugina Baker

Psalm 103:14

Am I the only one that has ever felt like God is laughing at them? I say all the time that I think I am being punished for all of the "fun" I had as a young person. I only feel that way when I am reminded that I am not exactly where I want to be in so many areas in my life. It is so easy to encourage others and believe for them that things will work out for their good but when it comes to my own life I get beyond irritated and inconsolable. I don't even want to be talked out of feeling how I feel. I had a few days like that this week and I must admit I am just now coming out of it...kinda. I did realize that knowing, understanding God's plan and trusting God's plan are not necessarily things that go hand and hand. For a moment I can admit I did neither. Since I didn't understand(still don't) the plan I didn't trust it. I was wondering if God even cared about my desires and needs. I was so mad and hurt I, for a moment, didn't believe God had my best interest in mind. When some may read this they will think that is the most absurd thing I could ever think let alone say out loud. But I dare to say that at some point we have all felt that kind of disappointment or uncertainty especially when it seems that things seem to not ever come together for you. It could be a relationship that failed, money issues, or feeling that no matter how far you try to get ahead things don't pan out. The thing that I have to remind myself in all of these situations I face is that God is in control of ALL things in my life. I absolutely have no control of God's plan for me but I have to TRUST that it all works for my good even when the process makes me feel like crap. Wednesday when I went to bible study I asked the Pastor does God hold it against us when we feel the process is some bull. He chuckled and guided me to Psalm 103:14 "For He knows our frame, He remembers that we are dust." Thank God for that! Can you imagine the trouble we would be in if God never took into account our mindsets and will. I know I would be in a butt load of trouble for sure. This week reminded me that I am but made of dust and in the end I don't know what is best for me. Someone once said to me "Once you realize you don't know anything and God knows it all your life will be so much easier" Even when I think my plan is the best one for me God's plan will exceed any plan I may have. The next time I am mad about something I thought would go my way and don't understand God's choices I will remind myself that..."I am but dust...."

Why is all I have...

Have you ever looked at a situation in your life and want to yell to the mountain tops like Nelly from The Color Purple..."WHYYYYYYY!" ? I get like that on a regular basis and even more irritated that there is no answer to the why. One of the hardest things is to go through situations that work your nerves and not being absolutely sure something positive will happen as a result. I have found in my life that MOST situations either end in a valuable lesson or serve as great testimonies. I'm not sure which this situation is contributing to but I do know it must be mighty powerful because I have NEVER dealt with so many trials at once that I have no control over. I admit I am beyond tired but I thank God for the strength to always keep moving no matter what I am feeling. I know some good will come out of it in the end. I'm just ready for the good to come.

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Blindfolded Kicking and Screaming

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Blindfolded Kicking and Screaming: It seems I write some of my best writings when I am not in the best of moods. Well today should be a GREAT writing because although I am fee...

Blindfolded Kicking and Screaming

It seems I write some of my best writings when I am not in the best of moods. Well today should be a GREAT writing because although I am feeling much better than I was when I first woke up this morning I am still out of sorts as far as my “happy meter” goes. Friday we had our annual ALL Night Women Prayer Retreat and we had an activity where one person leads the other person around with a blind fold over their eyes and each time around they went faster and faster where the person blind folded had to trust the person leading them more and more. The activity was meant to show how relinquishing control to God can be very hard at first because we are not completely trusting of how things will turn out, and we still want to go our own way that we are comfortable with. One of the key points I drove home and we talked about was we have to RELINQUISH CONTROL  so that God can take the lead, and that He knows better than we do what we need and how we need it. Well low and behold I get a test this week in all of those things and now here it is Wednesday and I am just beside myself.  I was driving into work this morning exhausted, and disgusted with a few situations in my life that touch the top three things that can annoy the mess out of me: my family, the man I love, and finance in that EXACT order. It just seems like so much going on in my brain and when I think I am getting my bearings together in one area something else is working my nerves. The thing that is even more annoying none of the situations are anything I really have control over and anyone that knows me knows I may be a procrastinator in most cases but I don’t like my life to seem out of control! The last few days have been exhausting for me and today I am just not happy AT ALL. I was driving in to work with tired eyes and just an irritated, disgusted spirit. I usually turn from the gospel station after Sunday, I know it’s a shame, but this week I just haven’t been able to because I need every bit of the Holy Spirit I can get to keep from going postal on anyone. So this morning I was thinking of how unhappy I am right now and how it seems that God is just having a great laugh at my expense and not hearing me at all in my prayers. Then I questioned am I unhappy that I am having these situations or unhappy that I have to wait on God to fix them? It is definitely the latter of the two. Granted the situations are definitely not ones I would ask for and don’t get me wrong I still think that God is paying me back for all of the “fun” I had as a youth, but  in reality I know God is not out to get me. I venture to say everyone has had moments like this where you just want to pull the covers over your head and put red paint on your door as you hope what seems like THE WRATH passes over you and your household! That is definitely how I have felt today.  I am realizing this is one of those very times I just talked about at the Women’s Prayer Retreat where I need to RELINQUISH CONTROL and it is a test that I can admit I have NOT been passing so far. I have done the exact opposite of what we talked about…I have been kicking and screaming to get my way in my time frame. Then I stopped doing that and tried to figure out a plan for myself.  Last night I just decided to cry until I passed out sleep and then woke up angry this morning. Kind of sounds like a toddler throwing a fit until they realize they absolute are not going to just get their way. I realized that no matter how I kick and scream and cry God has already worked the plan out and believe it or not it is what is best for me. And although it doesn't seem like it now I will thank him for it later. Thank you God for yet again showing me a mirror of ME!

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Seasonal Changes

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Seasonal Changes: Ten years ago there is no way you would have been able to tell me that my then best friends would be people I barely talk to or not even sp...

Seasonal Changes

Ten years ago there is no way you would have been able to tell me that my then best friends would be people I barely talk to or not even speak to in passing, that I would be at the job I am at and not working in the criminal justice field that I majored in, and that I would STILL not be married. My 30 year old self had NO CLUE that God had a totally different direction for me to head than the one I had planned for myself. Isn’t life funny that way? What is odd about those changes is that I am SO glad that God knew better than I did when it came to plans for my life or I never would have grown as much as I have. I have to confess some of the plans I had seemed pretty good to me, and for that reason alone I fought against God’s way. Now I see on the back end….no way would I want to be in the criminal justice system as a daily profession, the old “good” friends I had were truly for a season of time and if things didn’t happen the way they did I would never have moved on, and being married….well I wasn’t ready for that either and we would be divorced by now if we would have married then because we both had a lot of growing and healing to do. I also see because I wanted to be within my own will it took me a bit longer than it had to just for me to get to where I am now mentally and spiritually.  The thing about these hindsight revelations is I had no clue until after I got over the kicking and screaming my way through the disappointment of things not going my way. That is when God showed me how those things not going as I planned helped me to become a better person in this season in my life. Can you imagine what would happen if the earth didn’t go through seasons and if we never had spring how the flowers wouldn’t have the opportunity to be pollinated? I personally love spring time and if I had it my way the weather would always be that way but that is not Gods design of things. Summer, Fall and Winter all have their purposes as well. It is the same with our lives. Each phase has it’s own purpose and ultimately takes us to a new level/ season in our lives that we could never get through without it.  When you look at the rough spots, or unplanned situations in your life do you see them as God not letting you have your way, or do you see it as God making a better way? I know it is hard to not get angry with the changes God has for your life especially when it looks nothing like your plan you had, but just remember it is only for a season that you will feel that way.  Once that season changes it will be spring all over again and God will pollinate you into something even more beautiful than you were before. Ecclesiastes 3:1 To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Today

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Today: Today I woke up once again frustrated with myself....my stomachs too big, my hair wont act right and I'm STILL single TODAY! Well I hav...

Today

Today I woke up once again frustrated with myself....my stomachs too big, my hair wont act right and I'm STILL single TODAY! Well I have to put on my big girl draws, fluff my hair, find what I think fits me for my mood TODAY. Today I still choose to smile and attempt to be positive even when there are so many things I could be negative about... but what good would that do me TODAY??? Will being negative make my day any better...will it make my body shrink to the first size I thought I was fat...or will it send me my prince charming that will sweep me off of my feet...will it even soothe my heat...will it do that TODAY. TODAY is what I didn't know was promised on yesterday because tomorrow is not a guarantee...but now that tomorrow is now TODAY I have to make the best of it and not harp on what is not but on what is....TODAY No I may not be a size 10-12, or have hair to the middle of my back or even have a man that can appreciate the beautiful woman I am but I still have TODAY...I have TODAY to remember that God created every curve and bump I have and gave me the power to of self control....TODAY I know that every hair on my head is structured and curled just like it should and that it's uniqueness contributes to my beauty..TODAY I know that even though I have no clue where the man God has for me is...somewhere God is shaping him for me. SO I smile and remain positive...confident...and trusting that GOD not only had me yesterday and tomorrow....but He has me TODAY....