Just Say No

When I was younger I had the hardest time saying no to people. I didn’t realize until I was almost 30 that this was really a problem. Now don’t get me wrong if you were a total stranger or someone I could care less about no was an easy response for me. However, if you were my mate, family member, mate’s family member, friend or even an associate of any kind…..I just felt horrible about saying no. It was really a problem when it came to men because I may want to wait to go to certain levels but never did because I wouldn’t say no. I would run all over town for people when I was sick knowing I should rest. I would pick people up and run them on their errands….and just basically be every ones beck and call chic. I would be worn out but just silently still did all of it. This fear of saying no started young. I was molested as a little girl…then raped as a teenager so….no was an issue period for me with men because I was afraid that if I said no they would just take it anyway…just seemed easier to say yes. Somehow that not saying no spilled over into all areas of my life for a period of time. When I got married I still hadn’t mastered saying no but I believe after maybe a year or so I woke up one day and decided to say no to everyone and everything except my husband. I said no….to rides…pick ups…errands…Sharhonda do you mind’s, Hey what you doings….they all got a big fat NO! At first it felt like I was being mean…but after I said it so much it became addictive. An finally it got to where no one called me for anything unless they had truly exhausted all other options. Even then they were hesitant to call me because they just knew I was going to say NO! The saying no to men didn’t so much come into play until I was divorced. This was not as easy for me but God started to show me that I am so much more than my body had to offer for pleasure. Once I believed that in my head no could just roll off of my tongue without a second thought. I am sure if you asked anyone that has dated me or tried to date me they would be able to say that they never would have guessed that I had a NO problem at all. A lot of the time people are so worried about what others may think of the, or being upset with them they are afraid to say no. As I did, they run themselves raggedy for others or do things that give them no pleasure. There is nothing wrong with saying no to people, or making them figure things out for themselves taking you out of the scenario. What would they do if you were here? They would figure it out. When it came to men….well I say if you really want me…as simple no wont stop you from trying or pursuing me. That just means they have to decide if Im worth getting to know or they can move on. We all have had things that we need to grow from. This is one of those things for me. The next time you don’t want to just say no….it will be ok…and sometimes no is the best thing someone can say to someone.

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Forgive to be Forgiven

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Forgive to be Forgiven: I used to be one of those people that wished they could stay mad for a long time. I am awful at the silent treatment, or staying mad for...

Forgive to be Forgiven

I used to be one of those people that wished they could stay mad for a long time. I am awful at the silent treatment, or staying mad for long periods of time without a second thought. I would hear my friends talk about how they would give their husbands or significant others the silent treatment for days at a time…and I admired their stamina but my reply would always be…What if something happens to them while you are mad because he won’t let the toilette seat down? That thought alone would get me every single time…What if something happened to him while I am mad at him? I have been to those funerals where people have held grudges for years against someone they love just to realize it’s not worth it, and there is no way to take it back….I have had people to do some of the worse things to me an against me but I have found that letting that go is the best thing to do for myself. Don’t get me wrong that doesn’t mean that I am foolish enough to let them back in my life at the same capacity they were before. That means that I don’t use energy on holding on to those angry feelings I would have to have in order to hold that grudge for long periods of time. One of the best things we as individuals can do for ourselves is to let go of unforgiveness and malice in our hearts towards anyone or a situation. Here is a HUGE example…I was molested by my step dad for three years of my life but I don’t have a hatred towards him. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t want to sit and have Sunday dinner with him or chit chat with him like he tries to do when he sees me but I don’t wish him any harm. I don’t spend my days hoping he runs off of a cliff. I had to let that go pretty early in my life because it was holding me down. It was holding my wings to tight for me to fly if that makes sense. Then as I grew more spiritually I learned how God forgives all of our transgressions, but if we can’t forgive others how can we expect Him to forgive us? Not only does God command us to forgive others for their transgressions against which is more than enough to make me want to be more forgiving in my life but have you noticed how people that hold grudges and hatred towards others are sickly people. It not only destroys you spiritually it can make you physically ill harboring all that inside. Something else I have found is that I would have to keep reminding myself how mad I am…I have to PURPOSELY stay angry about the situation. That means I would have to remind myself that I have to keep that part of me angry. That means that anger is taking up a piece of my heart where love can be…why waste heart space on hatred? We all have heard how it only takes one rotten apple to spoil the whole bunch well….that anger doesn’t just stay in one section of your heart before you know it has  spilled over into other areas and takes over your life. Don’t let anger, malice or unforgiveness take ownership of your mind, spirit, body or soul! Let go of those things and move on with your life as God intends it.  

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Testimony

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Testimony: Last night we did a testimonial skit. I wasn't too sure about adding this to my blog but I kept getting this feeling that I should. I ...

Testimony

Last night we did a testimonial skit. I wasn't too sure about adding this to my blog but I kept getting this feeling that I should. I did this presentation with poster paper which is why its spaced out all weird. Nonetheless I pray that someone reads this post and realizes that everyone comes from somewhere and some like me have had various things that were hard but made it out of it. This is in no way to bash my ex-husband...the accounts are true...but I have no malice or ever want any harm to come to him and pray for him even to this day. This is strictly because it was put on my heart that someone could benefit from it. Now....here is one of my many testimonies of how God delivered me.

 

Life is an AMAZING unpredictable journey that is filled with unexpected twists and turns.

Growing up I always looked forward to having a man to sweep me off of my feet, I never wanted to be alone.

 I married my husband at 21 years old; I was head over heels in love with him!

That first year our son was born and he was adorable!

I felt truly blessed that God blessed me with a man that loved me no matter what my past was

I needed him to make me feel complete, and whole in my life….

Of course we had our share of problems…but everyone does right?

Our son was a few months or so old when my husband went to prison, he was gone for two years

I worked hard to take care of our son and to have a nice place for him to come home to this time we were going to come out on top

This would be our happily ever

After about a year we started to argue a lot about but we always made up and vowed to stay together no matter what

Later I found out my husband was experimenting with different drugs but he assured me he was just having fun and it wasn’t something he had to do and could stop  at any point

I believed he had control of his habits until he stopped coming home for days at a time, leaving me stranded begging for rides home or walking.

There were times he would pawn the car to his supplier to drive until his debt was paid.

I kept it all a secret because I was ashamed to tell my family or friends what was going on…. so I covered for him and pretended everything was normal.

Eventually I started to believe I should leave…but I found out that I was pregnant and decided to give it one more try because I was convinced that was a sign to stay

He even went to rehab but when he got out soon after he started back using again; I went into premature labor at 30 weeks

He took me to the hospital…went to move the car and didn’t come back…I was scared and alone…and ashamed..I became hysterical…so the hospital staff called my mom

I was ashamed that my mom saw me like that, but she came and sat until I was calm and the labor had stopped…I was put on bed rest to keep the baby healthy

I had our daughter 6 weeks later and she was healthy and happy and beautiful. We moved for the 6^th time out of 7 years….

The arguing continued, I finally decided it was over and felt God would understand, and I started to plan to leave but I still loved him and had doubts if I was doing the right thing

He stopped by on what would have been our 7^th anniversary August 28^th 2004… high and angry at me for not calling him….he accused me of sleeping with other men…things escalated

That night my husband beat, raped and held me hostage while my kids were sleeping in the next room, threatening to kill me and my family if I ever left or kept him away from the kids

That was the longest night of my life I spent praying for what to do to make it out of the situation and keep the kids safe.

He eventually passed out and we were able to sneak out of the house and call the police after I made it to my parents house.

When they got to the house he had taken a bottle of pills when he realized what he had done and I was gone.

I went to the emergency room, and the police let him go, I pressed charges and got a restraining order, and went to stay at my parent’s house

He called me and apologized for what happened, and God placed it in my heart to forgive him, but not to stay married to him. I still pressed charges.

I went on with my life. God blessed me with a job and a place to live on my own. I had peace of mind. He began to restore my mind, an spirit.

HE SAVED MY LIFE

HE RENEWED ME!

HE GAVE ME PEACE!

HE SHOWED ME LOVE!

GOD DID ALL OF THIS FOR ME!

AND HE WILL DO IT FOR YOU!

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Tonight is the Night!

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Tonight is the Night!: How many of you read my title and started to instantly think of that song Betty Wright sings? I must admit I did. Sorry what I am blogging ...

Tonight is the Night!

How many of you read my title and started to instantly think of that song Betty Wright sings? I must admit I did. Sorry what I am blogging about today has nothing to do with that sort of thing….maybe another day. I wanted to talk about my journey planning the Daughters of the King ALL Night prayer retreat. This is my second year leading the Prayer Retreat and it is very good for my soul. Last year I was totally unprepared for the trick and pitfalls the spawn of hell had for me but this year I was better armed and sited up for all the things ahead. I truly believe that often we are so unprepared for the war we have to fight daily. We all have some kind of war going on…whether it’s a war on a lying tongue or war on choking the life out of someone who almost ran you off the road on the way to work. We all have a thing we fight daily. Well…while I am planning these prayer retreats everything that may be laying dormant in my spirit wakes up full force. I have tests and pop quizzes that I couldn’t ever imagine. I was so exhausted last year after all the different things that happened and to top it off the same week of the retreat I got super sick with a dreadful cold. It was kind of funny how the different prayer retreat leaders were bringing me meds and orange juice because they dreaded me not being there to lead the retreat. Nonetheless, I made it through and loved the end result. I have learned as an adult Christian that each time God wants to take me to the next level there are a series of test that I go through and until I pass those sufficiently or learn the lesson to be learned I have that same test over and over. There is nothing worse than a redo! It’s like being lost and thinking you are finally on track and realize you passed that same gas station an hour ago!!!   This year I must admit I do have a couple of redos because I have definitely not arrived and I must say I can be a bit stubborn when it comes to sooo many things!  Trust me though God definitely doesn’t give up on us even when we think we are so set in our ways we have no need to change.  He has a compelling way of getting us to conform. When it’s all said and done I am so glad that God chose me to represent Him in this way. I start off each time with the purpose of enlightening someone else but in order to do that I have to be enlightened. God always puts the perfect study in my path and I can definitely say that has happened while I studied the book “Unglued Making Choices in the Mist of Raw Emotion by Lysa Terkeurst”. Just reading the title gave me chills and I knew that was what we needed this year. I know I have lots of raw emotion that is just out of control at times. I have been accused of having a bad temper when I get upset there is no stopping me and if anyone attempts to them they can get some too. You did notice my blog is Memoirs of an IMPERFECT Christian? Don’t judge me. (J) This book taught me so much about controlling my emotions and not letting them control me. I even was reminded that when I allow someone to get me all bent out of shape and lose control of my emotions I no longer have the power because I have gave it to them! She touches on amazing points regarding how to handle raw emotions and help them work for us and not against us. I chose the name title for the retreat Daughters of the King because I am all about empowering women to live as God’s (the King of all) daughters. What better way to start that than knowing how to handle our raw emotions. I am so excited! Tonight is the night and I pray that God is pleased with what we have put together through His direction and guidance. Meanwhile….I have lots of running and last minute work to do before 9 tonight! I guarantee you though I will be tested all the way through…I sure hope I pass them all so I can be at the next level! 

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: What Language Are You Speaking??????

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: What Language Are You Speaking??????: I have spent years trying to get the man in my life to be more affectionate and lovey as I call it. I often picture him grabbing me an h...

What Language Are You Speaking??????

I have spent years trying to get the man in my life to be more affectionate and lovey as I call it. I often picture him grabbing me an hugging me an telling me how much he loves me because I am a real blessing to his life. On a really good day I even picture candle light dinners with us slow dancing the night away.  We have such different personalities when it comes to expressing our love. I am always telling him I love him, and calling him sweet little pet names. Where he rarely ever does more than grunt when I say I love you, and he doesn’t so much as call me my nickname let alone a pet name.  A few weeks ago I decided I wanted to hear more than a grunt back after my I love you. I even gave him a short but effective speech on how  “normal” people say I love you back….unless he doesn’t love me. I had to throw the last part in with a blank stare.  His response was interesting because he said, with a puzzled look, “I tell you I love you ALL the time!” I guess we were both puzzled because this man says I love you maybe once a quarter IF THAT! An just like this time it’s because I am making a deal of it and he knows I need to hear it. Otherwise, a simple grunt in return is what I get. Later I rethought the conversation and realized that it was possible for ONCE I may be wrong. No, he doesn’t SAY I love you much at all, but he says he loves me each time he buys me a gift, or when he is there for me through whatever I have going on whether it be sitting with me through a gynecology procedure or taking off work to take care of me after a major wreck, or something simple as getting me my favorite foods to eat.  The list goes on and on….but that is how he tells me I LOVE YOU. I know someone is reading this thinking…DUH….but don’t we all at some point do that? We criticize someone else because they don’t do things the way we do them but that doesn’t mean that their way is wrong. That was a BIG step for me because I felt like he should love me the same way I love him and it should look the same way that I present it to him with lots of lovey dovey words and hugs and kisses where he took on more of an action approach. We often want to judge people that are not like us or that don’t communicate as we do, but each person has a unique way of doing things that allows us to reach people in various ways. Don’t let someone else speaking a different language than you make you put up a wall assuming their way is wrong. Instead learn their way and you may see that love has more than one language!

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Change of Plans

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Change of Plans: I love love love my kids and their daddy but on any given day they have the potential to make me bat crazy!!! This morning was a prime exam...

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Change of Plans

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Change of Plans: I love love love my kids and their daddy but on any given day they have the potential to make me bat crazy!!! This morning was a prime exam...

Change of Plans

I love love love my kids and their daddy but on any given day they have the potential to make me bat crazy!!! This morning was a prime example of that. I woke up a bit irritated because Jackson(our family dog) decides to break my sleep not once but twice last night because he needed to go outside….TWICE,  once at 2 am and the second time at 5 am. I regrouped and decided I would get back and start to work early because I have had a crazy week and needed to make up a bit of time. I get up to wake up my daughter. Wake up honey. She murmurs and goes back to sleep. I go back again up the stairs she is still sleep. I wake her again…and again…and AGAIN! Mind you she has several alarms set as well just for this purpose. I finally pry her out of the bed and keep trying to push her to move faster…I am convinced she didn’t just to agitate me. We rush out of the house to the bus stop….and…..THE BUS HAS ALREADY COME!! WHAT!!! I go back home, now in a full blown irritation because this kid doesn’t even care that she has thrown my schedule off. I wake up her brother and here we go again… he is in slow motion when he is usually already dressed and just has to put on shoes. I am telling him ok hurry I have to now take your sister to school. I think they were in cahoots because he was moving just as slow as she was. Finally I went and banged on the bathroom door and told them that was enough of all that lets go. I left the house later than I planned…with an extra tripped I didn’t plan..and the regular trip that was in the plan which meant…when I got home I could forget about an early clock in because I would be doing good to clock in on time.  I gave my kids a stern lecture on how no one in this family thinks I have anything else to do but worry about what they want to do but that I have responsibilities outside of running them where they need to be. They didn’t seem to care much about my fussing which made me angrier. KIDS!!!! UGH! Aren’t we the same way as Christians? We make these plans on our own that have nothing to do with God’s plans for us and just like my morning things go haywire and all off track and we try OUR plan again with a little more tweeking  and make it worse than the first time we tried it. I thought this morning how patient God has been with me when I THINK I’m going to change HIS plan by going my own way. How He must shake His head at me all of the time for interrupting His plans for me. Just like my kids I always want to go my own way not considering anything else or how I am delaying the plans God has for me. So the next time I’m fussing at my kids for messing up my schedule of things I will remind myself how it delays things when I try to change Gods plans.