Every Dog Has His Day

My grandmother always had these phrases for situations and at the time it sounded like normal Gan-Gan babble. But now I can recall most of her phrases and they make perfectly good sense. This weeks phrase that matches my life is "Every dog has his day"! Have you ever been in a situation where it looked familiar but in reverse? Meaning the players are different and now you are on the other side of the situation. About six months ago I prayed for God to send me all the things that I was missing in a relationship someone who adored me, wanted lots of kisses and affection and lastly was not scared to commit. Now if you are reading this you are probably seeing the flaws in my prayer...but at the time I thought my list was pretty concrete at the time. Well God sent me EXACTLY what I asked for...nothing more nothing less...EXACTLY the list I stated. I realized that what I needed was way more than I thought. I am so used to getting the other things such as stability, reliability, like mindsets and secure with the person I was with all the years that when all of that was gone and all I was left with was what I prayed for it about drove me nuts!!!! I now know exactly what the 80/20 decision is like. I still gave it a try though because after all this is what I asked for right? So about four months in I began to ask God, "Ok, besides the fact that I obviously need to be careful what I ask for what is my lesson in all of this???" I started to see myself in this guy...he was me except a guy version of course. I said he was me because I noticed some of his most annoying behaviors were the very same things that I realized I did myself in past relationships. At the time I just thought the guy was being mean when I called him 5 or 6 times in a day, being jealous when he didnt seem to give enough detail, not ever seemed to be getting enough time even when we had just saw each other. All of those things were happening to me now. Add insecurity to that and it was the whole kit and kaboodle. I could clearly see the error of my ways now. I had them explained to me but never absorbed it until the shoe was on the other foot and here I was trying to explain how annoying these things were to the person who was now doing them to me. That was lesson one, me basically seeing myself! I thought that was it but I still was trying to hang in there because I did like the attention but now my test came. Do I keep holding on to someone for my own selfish reasons like I had been done in the past. I always had men that knew they couldn't be faithful but wanted me for the things I did that made them feel good about themselves. So now do I be that same butt hole? I thought about it for a couple of weeks making sure this wasn't more than a lesson for me and that I may be thinking of getting rid of a potential mate. I prayed on it and pondered and God confirmed that it was just not meant and I wasn't going to try and force it. I definitely knew better than that! I told him and it seemed to go pretty well aside from him not totally getting my explanation mostly because he doesn't see things my way. I know it was the right choice though. Now back to what GAN-GAN used to say...EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY...yes indeed. But when it is your turn those decisions you make determine who you are as a person...I pray that I passed this test and lesson because I don't want to see it again in reverse.

From Desperation to Hesitation

Every since I was a teenager I always had a quick turnaround time on boyfriends. I never went more than a month or so without getting a new boyfriend. If too much time passed without me having a boyfriend I truly thought something must me be wrong with me. This lead to a lot of frog kissing and just all out bad decision making in regards to my dating life. That and my love for a bad boy together and you have sheer chaos in my life. Yes there were lots of lessons learned but if I would have just taken some time to at least consult God and been still for a bit I would have saved myself a lot of grief! Nonetheless, I have learned a lot and grown as a result of it all. Lately, I have been thinking about how un-bothered I have become about rushing into much of anything. Don't get me wrong I want a husband but I am no longer desperate for that. I didn't used to think of myself as a desperate person but isn't a side effect of desperation doing things that are unreasonable, accepting certain behaviors and overlooking good common sense all because you don't want to be without being alone? What I have found is being lonely with someone next to you is way worse than being alone. I have been really tickled with myself this year because I have gotten to a place I NEVER thought I would get. I AM PERFECTLY CONTENT BEING BY MY SELF!!! Don't get me wrong of course I want to get married. But the difference now is I don't desperately want it. That is a beautiful thing in my life right now because I was almost obsessed with getting a husband that I was making myself nuts. People laugh when I talk about how I finally stopped sleeping on one side of the bed and crash right in the middle with all the pillows just for me. I have one child at home full time and she is 14 and my son is 19 and in college and have only saw one man stay over and that is their Dad. I have to admit they are a big reason I have been at peace not jumping from relationship to relationship but God and growth got me to contentment.It is a feeling that I never imagined having as a 41 year old single woman. Single meaning I am not married. To me you are single until then. I listen to a lot of people(not just women) who are scared to death of growing old alone and as a result they make the craziest mate selections KNOWING that it won't work all for the sake of not being "alone". I have been there so many times so I truly get it.But now I value peace in a way like no other, I am so spoiled to reliability and sense-able actions I don't have a desire for anything that may jeopardize that. Look at GOD! It is amazing how God will work a miracle in me just by doing the opposite of what I think I need. He continuously confirms that I do NOT know diddly about what is best for me, and then I turn around and thank Him for not paying my foolish wishes any mind. Thank you Lord for taking me from Desperation to Hesitation.