Much More

We all have experiences that shape us into who we are today that consist of a mixture of bad things with good that we survived and overcame. I was twelve years old when I first was molested, raped at sixteen, and my marriage ended with me being raped and held hostage. I know it sounds so tragic to read it all together like that but as you see God got me thru it in one piece by providing me with love and support from my parents, family and friends. He healed me from the abuse!  I have always had people that had no business trying to get with me hitting on me from friends boyfriends, husbands, boys I was dating dads…the list goes on.  I didn’t realize until I was much older that as a result of this not only did they obviously have a sick problem but I had a real problem as well. With all the things that took place I felt that maybe some how some way I was enticing these men and inviting them to treat me this way. Now with my marriage that wasn’t the case, it was more of a combination of being under the influence and sheer anger at me for being ready to move on. The rest were all the same. The problem this created was me feeling that all I had to offer was my body to a man not realizing that was not what God intended for me. Instead my goal became to make sure that I was great at all things sexual because after all that was my hottest commodity right? I was beyond wrong and didnt realize the kind of damage this was going to cause. I also had a real problem with saying no to men especially if they were excited already which put me in situations where I gave in even when I didn’t want to, thinking even if I said no they would become angry and take it anyway so I may as well spare myself the fight. I didn’t realize that each time I did that I gave a little piece of me away. I was injuring my spirit and self esteem. I started having sex at a very early age and I often confused the feeling of sex with love. Of course we know that is not always the case, love doesn’t come thru sex at all but it can definitely confuse the heck out of you when you do it. It wasn’t until I was divorced that I even realized that I felt this way about myself. I started to look at myself differently because I had to rebuild my life from scratch. I was spiritually grounded, smart, and pretty just to name few. Being good in bed was the least of my benefits and I finally started to believe that for real. I haven’t ever went back on that since! That is what made me start to be more demanding of those things I deserved, commanding respect and having respect for myself enough to not tolerate just any old thing. That was one of the most awesome points in my life. I no longer felt I had to give in when I didn’t want to. I was no longer afraid of saying no. I got so great at it I even was able to apply no to other areas in my life I was giving in to.  I felt great about who I was. Don’t use yourself as a tool. Your sexual “tool” doesn’t define you . You are so much more than that and deserve more than to just be pulled out to tighten up a screw and then put back in a box until next time. In the Bible it speaks of how we should treat our temples (bodies) and that is where the spirit of God dwells within us. The last thing we want to do is junk it up with a bunch of mess dumped off. I have told so many women I have talked to that even the way women are designed we are receivers and to be careful what you allow to plug into your body and spirit because before you know it you will have an all out warfare going! I know all too well what it like trying to get rid of extra because I allowed someone to plug in. Now not only do you have your stuff to deal with someone has dumped more off on you. That is not why we were made at all. I know society presents women so often as nothing more than pleasure stops but we are so much more than that! Learn to love yourself past your physical because one day that will all fade an all that will be left is your spirit, make sure that is in good shape and not all junked up with bad choices from your past….