Every Dog Has His Day

My grandmother always had these phrases for situations and at the time it sounded like normal Gan-Gan babble. But now I can recall most of her phrases and they make perfectly good sense. This weeks phrase that matches my life is "Every dog has his day"! Have you ever been in a situation where it looked familiar but in reverse? Meaning the players are different and now you are on the other side of the situation. About six months ago I prayed for God to send me all the things that I was missing in a relationship someone who adored me, wanted lots of kisses and affection and lastly was not scared to commit. Now if you are reading this you are probably seeing the flaws in my prayer...but at the time I thought my list was pretty concrete at the time. Well God sent me EXACTLY what I asked for...nothing more nothing less...EXACTLY the list I stated. I realized that what I needed was way more than I thought. I am so used to getting the other things such as stability, reliability, like mindsets and secure with the person I was with all the years that when all of that was gone and all I was left with was what I prayed for it about drove me nuts!!!! I now know exactly what the 80/20 decision is like. I still gave it a try though because after all this is what I asked for right? So about four months in I began to ask God, "Ok, besides the fact that I obviously need to be careful what I ask for what is my lesson in all of this???" I started to see myself in this guy...he was me except a guy version of course. I said he was me because I noticed some of his most annoying behaviors were the very same things that I realized I did myself in past relationships. At the time I just thought the guy was being mean when I called him 5 or 6 times in a day, being jealous when he didnt seem to give enough detail, not ever seemed to be getting enough time even when we had just saw each other. All of those things were happening to me now. Add insecurity to that and it was the whole kit and kaboodle. I could clearly see the error of my ways now. I had them explained to me but never absorbed it until the shoe was on the other foot and here I was trying to explain how annoying these things were to the person who was now doing them to me. That was lesson one, me basically seeing myself! I thought that was it but I still was trying to hang in there because I did like the attention but now my test came. Do I keep holding on to someone for my own selfish reasons like I had been done in the past. I always had men that knew they couldn't be faithful but wanted me for the things I did that made them feel good about themselves. So now do I be that same butt hole? I thought about it for a couple of weeks making sure this wasn't more than a lesson for me and that I may be thinking of getting rid of a potential mate. I prayed on it and pondered and God confirmed that it was just not meant and I wasn't going to try and force it. I definitely knew better than that! I told him and it seemed to go pretty well aside from him not totally getting my explanation mostly because he doesn't see things my way. I know it was the right choice though. Now back to what GAN-GAN used to say...EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY...yes indeed. But when it is your turn those decisions you make determine who you are as a person...I pray that I passed this test and lesson because I don't want to see it again in reverse.

From Desperation to Hesitation

Every since I was a teenager I always had a quick turnaround time on boyfriends. I never went more than a month or so without getting a new boyfriend. If too much time passed without me having a boyfriend I truly thought something must me be wrong with me. This lead to a lot of frog kissing and just all out bad decision making in regards to my dating life. That and my love for a bad boy together and you have sheer chaos in my life. Yes there were lots of lessons learned but if I would have just taken some time to at least consult God and been still for a bit I would have saved myself a lot of grief! Nonetheless, I have learned a lot and grown as a result of it all. Lately, I have been thinking about how un-bothered I have become about rushing into much of anything. Don't get me wrong I want a husband but I am no longer desperate for that. I didn't used to think of myself as a desperate person but isn't a side effect of desperation doing things that are unreasonable, accepting certain behaviors and overlooking good common sense all because you don't want to be without being alone? What I have found is being lonely with someone next to you is way worse than being alone. I have been really tickled with myself this year because I have gotten to a place I NEVER thought I would get. I AM PERFECTLY CONTENT BEING BY MY SELF!!! Don't get me wrong of course I want to get married. But the difference now is I don't desperately want it. That is a beautiful thing in my life right now because I was almost obsessed with getting a husband that I was making myself nuts. People laugh when I talk about how I finally stopped sleeping on one side of the bed and crash right in the middle with all the pillows just for me. I have one child at home full time and she is 14 and my son is 19 and in college and have only saw one man stay over and that is their Dad. I have to admit they are a big reason I have been at peace not jumping from relationship to relationship but God and growth got me to contentment.It is a feeling that I never imagined having as a 41 year old single woman. Single meaning I am not married. To me you are single until then. I listen to a lot of people(not just women) who are scared to death of growing old alone and as a result they make the craziest mate selections KNOWING that it won't work all for the sake of not being "alone". I have been there so many times so I truly get it.But now I value peace in a way like no other, I am so spoiled to reliability and sense-able actions I don't have a desire for anything that may jeopardize that. Look at GOD! It is amazing how God will work a miracle in me just by doing the opposite of what I think I need. He continuously confirms that I do NOT know diddly about what is best for me, and then I turn around and thank Him for not paying my foolish wishes any mind. Thank you Lord for taking me from Desperation to Hesitation.

I like Who Likes Me

When I was a little girl I used to always be so proud of the fact that I had 4 grandmas. I had Madea and Gan-Gan which were my parents mothers and I had Granny and Gramuh which were my grandma's mothers. They are all with God now and I still often think on things they used to say or do and I wish that I had sense enough to tap more into their wisdom while they were here. I spent the most time with my moms mother who I called Gan-Gan and her mom who I called Gramuh. Gan-Gan always had saying that were interesting at best. I am 41 years old and am FINALLY starting to understand what she was saying when she would use these little sayings and I couldn't agree with her more on all that she said. She would say stuff like "every tub has to stand on its own bottom" which meant in short that each person has to be responsible for their own actions and take care of themselves. Recently, the one that has been replaying in my head the most in my dating adventures is "I like who likes me" I decided that as usual she made a great point right? Why waste your time liking someone who doesn't care anything about you or doesn't want to be with you? So I started my "I like who likes me" quest. I'm finding this to not be a small task at all. I have a really hard time with believing that just being nice to me and a good person is enough to commit to. What about attraction and desire? Or intellect and common interests? What if I can't STAND to see or HEAR you eat? Nonetheless Gan-Gan knew better than me so I have been giving it a whirl. I met this great guy online. He had great conversation, same religious beliefs as me, own home, vehicle, retired but working, not jealous, gave me enough space, and thought I was great. I would send him pictures of me all the time so he wouldn't be shocked when he saw me in person. He would rarely do the same but I figured he was shy. As time went on I noticed he was in no hurry to meet me it seemed. Finally, I started to push the issue and we met. He was totally the opposite of what I expected him to be. I kept trying to run through my mind "like who likes me" and how great a person he is. I felt really shallow but I knew that meeting was the last meeting he and I would have. I felt like I definitely was failing at this "like who likes me" conquest. When I talked to my mom about it but at the time she didn't shed much insight. I think she even giggled a bit at the story as I told her. So after that I started to think, "OK, I'm going to like who likes me and I'm attracted to". So back to the drawing board and I decided to take a break from the online dating because it was just too much nuttiness for me to decipher through. I started seeing someone else almost immediately after that. He is a nice person, shares my same religious beliefs, hard working, wants to spend time with me, thinks I'm fine the way I am, and wants to be in a committed relationship with me....BUT he still lives at home and has no car which imposes a HUGE issue for me. Now if I were my 20's to 30's year old self then I would jump right in and help him get on his feet, walk him through the process and all of that. But 41 year old Sharhonda says look you need the basics in life for me to take being with you as a serious option and being a nice person is NOT enough for me to be in a relationship, so get all of that together and then maybe we can talk. So as I'm sure you can imagine NOW I'm starting to think that this may be the very ONE time that one of Gan-Gan's saying made absolutely no sense at all. Someone is probably reading this and thinking that I am IMPOSSIBLE to please. The guy with all of it together wasn't attractive to you and the one that is attractive to you is broke YOU CANT HAVE IT ALL LADY!!! I know I tell myself the same thing but I don't want to put myself in a situation where I will end up hurting someone else because I know that I am not truly into them the way I should be in a relationship. So I finally decided to ask Ma what on earth Gan-Gan meant when she said "I like who likes me" because that concept is not working at all for me right now. She must have felt my irritation and told me that Gan-Gan didnt mean to force yourself to like someone you are not attracted to nor to settle for just anyone that wants you but to NOT chase after someone who doesn't want to be with you. She meant if she liked him and he liked her great! But if she liked him and he didn't like her then he could go on his way as would she. When she said broke it down to me it was definitely an AH HA moment and I again realized that I still had a lot of growing to do. I was also so relieved to hear that I didn't have to force myself into these situations that I knew I would not be great in and that it was ok to still have standards set and stand up for them. Whew! I know that my guardian angel probably shakes his head often at me but thank God for still leaving me with some wisdom to tap into when I have it all wrong in my head and hopefully as I grown I can do the same for someone else. Meanwhile, I'm still working on "Liking who likes me" Psalm 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Mercedes

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Mercedes: In my adventure to become single minded and no longer wait for the person I thought I was supposed to be with to agree with me I am having q...

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Mercedes

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Mercedes: In my adventure to become single minded and no longer wait for the person I thought I was supposed to be with to agree with me I am having q...

Mercedes

In my adventure to become single minded and no longer wait for the person I thought I was supposed to be with to agree with me I am having quite an interesting journey to say the least. I learned that although the man mentioned in my first sentence has total issues with verbally committing in words or on paper BUT when it came to all other things such as being responsible, reliable, hard working, honest, drama free and all those things that women want that make me feel safe and sound he really mastered. So that much time dealing with someone like that has changed me from that woman that was used to a man saying he is on his way and taking an hour to actually show up while I stood stranded somewhere, being the only one that has the basic stuff like my own place and car, or still having to call my Daddy for guy stuff like car issues or a mouse in the house to the woman that I am now who is used to someone having their own, him showing up soon as he could if I was somewhere stranded, and when something goes wrong being able to call him and not thinking anymore about it until he calls and says whatever is done or handled, or even calling and saying there is something flying around the house to come kill it.He handled those things without hesitation and seemed proud to do it. Although he did complain a bit about me calling him to kill a wasp on a Saturday morning he was laying on is couch.... lol I usually just smile and say "my hero!!!!" whenever he conquered something that could have ruined my whole day with ease and he felt great to be able to be that for me and I felt all safe and womanly at the same time. Of course we were a team so In return I was there for him however I could be as well and didn't mind when he called and asked what's for dinner or pulling hair bumps or whatever errands he couldn't get to because he was working. I had my girl duties and he had his boy duties. (smile) My Daddy rarely got distress phone calls from me but he would often get calls from him asking what he thinks about stuff he was planning to do for me or the kids, or how he would handle certain He still takes me on the dates so . Prior to this guy my dad took on all of those roles and even Valentines Day and an occasional Daddy-daughter date to remind me how a man should treat his baby girl. (We still do the dates occasionally) But he gladly stepped aside the last 10 years or so to let the man fulfill his role. NOW with this new dating adventure I have going MY LORD I am realizing I am so spoiled and in my search for someone that has all those listed qualities above PLUS not being afraid to commit is proving to be a tedious task. I am finding that men that are all ready financially are not wanting to commit at all and the ones that should be getting themselves together are gungho and rearing to have a wife and woman. Here is the problem with that for ME,I cant speak for other women, but being nice and cute is not enough for me anymore and sex doesn't have near as much staying power as it did when I was younger. I can get that anytime if I wanted an still not be bothered afterward. I have no interest in helping someone "get on their feet".I think they are more fascinated with the idea of me than the effort it takes to maintain the relationship with me. The thought annoys me more than anyone knows, because all I can think of is how much I have to sacrifice in the process of it all. I think I have paid my dues in that area for sure. I have done my share of sharing my car and being the one waiting to get picked up from work or picking people up from work or establishing residence. Those days are long gone and over. Thing is I don't expect right out the door for him to do all those things I am used to but I do want him to come already at least where I am in life as far as being able to take care of himself with or without me which to me means having his own place and mode of transportation AND actively taking care of all those he is responsible for with a legal job or career. People probably are reading this thinking that is not a lot for a start definitely there are men like that. Yeah, well no they are either married, lack interest in commitment, gay or don't have the basics. Lately, I have been thinking about this scenario that one of my Facebook friends posted some years ago that said people often get something because they can, but they don't think about what it takes to maintain that thing. His example scenario was buying cars. He used an analogy of sure you may be able to buy a Mercedes but do you think about how much it costs to maintain that Mercedes like how much will tires cost, oil changes, and if anything breaks on it can you afford to fix it? His point was you may be able to attain something fairly easily with some effort but what will you have to sacrifice to maintain it and can you afford the maintenance to keep it going properly.When I meet these men that are nice yes, they adore me yes, ready to commit yes, but seem to need so much work I think yeah you may be able to charm me and get me to take a chance with stipulations but can you do what it takes to keep me? Can you maintain? I have no interest in going backwards in the caliber of man I date and I am not willing to help with a come up when it comes to what I consider the basics that a 40 plus man OR woman should have. Even when I read in the Bible the man had to prepare for his wife and when he went to the father that man had to offer something for her and if she had maids he had to take responsibility for ALL of them, and anything else like live stock that came with her. He couldn't just show up saying HEY I'M A NICE GUY GIVE ME YOUR DAUGHTER AND I WILL GET WHAT I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF HER AFTER YOU GIVE HER TO ME. That would have never worked and if my Daddy could hand pick who I dated before I ever got a chance to that certainly would not work for him even now. Now don't get me wrong I believe women have their role as well...but that is a whole other blog. So, God definitely is teaching me a lot about myself along the way. Yes at times I yell out in frustration but I also see where I have grown and don't think what I want is impossible or unreasonable. And with all the mistakes I have ever made in my past with relationships I am determined that whomever I end up with will not be a repeat of those mistakes. I still trust that God is in control in all areas of my life and even in this crazy dating scene He can and will work it out to where a man will find me that not just WANTS me but can do what it takes to MAINTAIN a relationship with me. "But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. " 1 Timothy 5:8

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: What's Love Got to Do With It

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: What's Love Got to Do With It: I remember being MUCH younger and my Daddy not being fond of who I was with at the time(this happened a lot when I was young) or my decisio...

What's Love Got to Do With It

I remember being MUCH younger and my Daddy not being fond of who I was with at the time(this happened a lot when I was young) or my decisions I was making. He was giving me a good talking to about how foolish I was being and examples of how what I was doing made no sense. I was so upset and in tears listening to him suggest that I need to let go and started to reply with "BUT DADDY IM" and he immediately cut me off with "But what???? you're IN LOOOVE WITH HIM???" I said yes and he shook his head and laughed at me with that look all parents have given their children when they know that child has NO CLUE what they are doing or talking about. Then he responded with, "AND WHAT THE HELL DOES LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT...YOU THINK EVERYONE YOU LOVE IS SOMEONE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH?" I thought my Daddy was crazy back then. What in the world was he talking about??? I thought love conquered all like in the movies where people took impossible situations and made it work all because they are IN LOVE!!! But since those many years ago I can say I have seen repeatedly what he meant by that. I now know that sometimes loving someone is simply not enough and if two people get together and can't communicate effectively, be loyal to each other, work hard towards common goals and above all else put God all in their business and relationship, simply loving each other won't be enough. It's a great notion, and it looks beautiful in love stories but without these things it's just not reality. Two people can truly love each other and just not work if one is not where they should be in life spiritually and/or mentally, or just not be willing to make healthy changes that benefit your relationship . I said all of this to say sometimes you have to go beyond your heart and go with simple spirit lead logic. I know from experience it's not easy to do. This is coming from me, a hopeless romantic and I have had to go against my "in love heart" repeatedly since this talk with my Daddy. I am 41 years old and even now facing a situation where I'm pretty sure I will have to go against what the heart wants again. I am still learning and it doesn't hurt any less than it did over 20 years ago. One thing I have to remind myself and you is to not be afraid to move on, and don't keep trying to add pieces from one puzzle to a different one. It just doesn't fit. I have been in so many situations where I really wanted things to work out but now I see clearly why it just wasn't meant to be. I have got a little better but even now in life I have to talk myself out of what I know things could be "If only" and remind myself what THE TRUTH of the situation is. Most times emotion takes over the logical side of my brain still because somewhere inside is that same teen age girl saying "But Daddy I love him". So I totally get it when I hear my friends one day saying they are done with a relationship and the next day still wanting to hang in there to work things out. I am patient in listening to their complaints and whoa's because they have to be patient in hearing mine as well. They, like me, are holding out hope of change or better days towards that happily ever after even though they know that it is very possible that is not going to happen with that person. But we still want to exhaust all avenues before letting it go. This can cause more pain than just accepting what God is showing us to be true. I want to end this blog by saying DON'T LOSE WHO YOU ARE! There is nothing that will break your heart more than waking up one day and realizing you have lost yourself trying to please or make something work with someone that is not in it the same as you are. You will resent the time wasted and although there are lessons learned you won't see that until much later most times. Sometime we have to accept that person is not purposed for us or God needs to work on them more without you in the mist of it all. Either way we have to trust God's answer more than our heart in these situations and it will save us a lot of pain and suffering. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.