Is My Praying in Vain

It’s been a while since I wrote anything, not necessarily because I didn't have plenty going on. I just didn't really have a way to verbalize it. I also have kind of been going through a spell of “Am I praying in Vain, HOW long must I wait for what seem simple requests?” I felt bad for feeling this way and didn't really feel it would be a good thing to write about, but God reminded me that my blog is called, Memoirs of an Imperfect Christian for a reason. J  For at least five years I have been praying over my relationship because I truly want a husband and at least one more child but it seems no matter what we get to a certain point and there is yet another obstacle or excuse to overcome or keeping us from going to that level.  I have also started to pursue other options in my career and it seems those doors are being slammed in my face as well.  I started to feel very discouraged and very frustrated about it all. Meanwhile seems as always everyone is getting new engagement rings and promotions while I am just stuck in a bubble.  I started to think maybe God just ignoring me or saying no to everything I asked because He doesn't think I deserve that kind of love.  I sulked inwardly for a few days reminding God that in His Word it states, “It’s better to marry than to burn”, does he want me to burn! I did this for a while before God whispered to my spirit, “I know the desires of your heart and WHAT and WHO you need and will suit you best. Hold on a little longer.” I breathed a deep sigh of relief and although I am still a bit tired of it all I know that at least God has not forgotten me.  I know that I am not the only one that has ever felt this way. That God is putting your prayers at the bottom of the pile.  It’s very hard to not lose heart during this time. I know God can do all things beyond what my finite mind could possibly imagine but every so often I wonder will He do it for me. I am so thankful that God reminds me that He is still working on my behalf, and has not forgotten me. He has gave me a new peace of letting go of certain things knowing that what I may see as a loss, eventually will be a gain that only God could orchestrate.  I had to let go of trying to have any control and except things for what they are in regards to both things. As hard as it was to do that I felt like such a burden was lifted because I am not trying to make things happen either way…I am doing my best to see what God is going to do on my behalf.

Psalms 55:16-17