When it comes to sharing my experiences I try to talk about things from how I'm feeling at that time. If you have taken the time to read any of my past posts you know I have so many reasons to not trust or enough stuff to make anyone nuts for sure. I have had people tell me it's a wonder I like men at all but that is definitely a God gift. However one of the hardest things I fight against is baggage. There are things that trigger me wanting to put on my running shoes and take off because of so many bad experiences in relationships. One of my friends is always saying it's so hard to erase those old tapes in your head when they have been playing over and over for years. I'm sure I'm not the only one that at times feels God is having a good ole chuckle at my expense because the craziest stuff happens to me when I date...lets see there was the guy that was head over heels for me then I prayed about it to God and the next day he said he was going to ask his ex to marry him...then there was the one who loved me since we were kids but um...left me for his crazy baby momma...there was the other one that wanted to really get revenge on me because when we were kids I never gave him a chance...oh and the refuse to commit year after year one...and that is the short list from the last 3 years .I mean I swear this is the longest episode of Punkd I've ever witnessed. When I talk to my friends they don't really understand because for the most part they are all married or have men and they haven't a clue what dating is like right now in 2015. The hardest thing right now for me is not so much giving up but not being scared of the process. We all have baggage and things that we never want to do again but when so many different things happen it's hard to not wait for the shoe to fall when you meet someone. Now I'm even scared to pray the LORD IF THIS IS NOT FOR ME REMOVE HIM prayer because something major always happens and poof 99.9% are gone but that .1 is always there not moving forward or backward. My prayer today is that I don't let my circumstances and past bad experiences de-motivate me. Being in Love is an amazing gift but unfortunately I have to keep taking a chance and maybe one day God will say I have had enough and let me experience it again but with reciprocation. Meanwhile, I pray my baggage be packed light and doesn't get so heavy I can even carry it, that my friends STOP giving me those be strong speeches or any of that because it just annoys meat this point and the next person I like will have his baggage light enough to carry on forward.
PS God if I am missing something can you help me out here? Amen.
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