In Your Own Skin

I have had boyfriends that have certain things that they express as unattractive on a woman…I had one that said he didn’t want a woman with stretch marks…which mind boggled me given I have had stretch marks on my hips since I hit puberty. Then there was the one that preferred really dark skinned women…which I am not. I had a man to express that I need to get a perm because my hair was nappy….Oh lets not forget the one that absolutely didn’t want a big woman an said he was used to women that are size 9’s which again I am NOT nor do I desire to be. My ex husband was  rare because he  didn’t care how big or little I was, he thought I was beautiful when I woke up in the morning so he was either crazy or in love... He had known me since I was 15 so he had seen me at my smallest and biggest and they all looked good to him. I remember how bad I would feel when I would hear the others rattling off these expectations that obviously were the opposite of me. I never felt quite good enough after those conversations. It was like someone had let the air out of a balloon because I felt so flat after that. I would spend the remaining of those relationships wondering if I could live up to what they wanted because I wasn’t it per se. I would make myself nuts trying to make up for short comings I felt I had in their eyes. Somehow along the way between little girl and womanhood I lost some of that being comfortable in my own skin just the way I am…The great thing is I got it back and not only did I get that LOVING feeling back I got my sanity and self worth back as well.  I think back on that and think about how crazy that was because if I was so much not their type then why were they with me in the first place?  Now before I start this let me say this…I am in NO WAY saying to not care about your appearance, or not to exercise and take care of your health, yes put on deodorant and all of that. J  (That’s my disclaimer) What I AM saying is be happy with who you are and confident with it. Everyone is not meant to be a size 6…an we all are made just the way we are which is beautiful.  I can’t count how many times I have heard my friends say and  I even said myself that I must not be good enough because he won’t do this or that….or maybe if I did this or that I would be more acceptable to him. I even tried doing this and that and it didn’t make a bit of difference with how they behaved. I later realized that way of thinking is the very thing that holds us back from expecting and demanding more. I also realized that a lot of times to put someone else down to build yourself up is insecurity within itself.  Our own thoughts of less than worthiness hold us hostage to a point where we allow ourselves to stay in situations we should leave, or put up with being treated a certain way. I have seen people spend years with someone they thought they weren’t good enough for when it was very clear the other party was the one that was the bum.  One of the most insane things to do is to not love yourself to the fullest. You have to live with who and what you are before you can truly expect anyone else to. That is a fact. I purposely started to tell myself daily how gorgeous I am. Not only am I gorgeous but I am specifically designed by God to be just the way I am which is beautiful. Think of it this way if God in all of His perfection loves me just the way I am then how can anyone, including me, dispute that? We all have areas in our life we should work on because we are human, but those things that we can do nothing about we have to learn to embrace and love just as they are.  Confidence is one of the most beautiful things you can wear daily, right along with self worth and esteem.  It’s not always easy changing a way of thinking, but in order to get there you have to start somewhere. When someone compliments you, don’t be afraid to own that compliment instead of saying something negative. If you date someone who makes you feel you aren’t good enough…dump them and move on!  Don’t wait for anyone else to tell you how great and beautiful you are…tell yourself that daily when you look in the mirror. Being confident in who your own skin is something you have to decide for yourself, but I guarantee you once you do it will change your outlook on so many things that you wont believe that you were ever depriving yourself of loving the skin you are in.