MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Altitude Check

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Altitude Check: So how has everyone been doing with their altitude? Yesterday I did a brief post on how God's sense of humor instantly tested me on what...

Altitude Check

So how has everyone been doing with their altitude? Yesterday I did a brief post on how God's sense of humor instantly tested me on what I said we all should do. Yesterday I encountered 3 different people through my work day that, let's just say, aren't my favorite people for valid reasons but I won't do details because they may read this and it doesn't matter really. I had purposely not talked on the phone to get my spirit right before work, listened to some gospel and had thanked God for another day and first thing in the morning they came one by one. I am great at hellos and goodbyes but conversations when I'm not really fond or feel I have to be guarded with what I say are harder because of my face telling it all. I kept reminding myself of the words I wrote the night before and made more of an effort. I won't lie and say it was easy because I struggle with this. Not long ago the nation witnessed a young man hugging the woman who killed his brother...let's just say I'm no where near there. If I had to score myself I'd definitely get a B- to a high C. I took off for having to fix my facial expressions and my original "Dont talk to me!" thoughts but scored higher for engaging in chit chat. I have a lot of work to do. I also want to point out the Bible doesn't call on us to like each other but to LOVE. If my abusers came in contact with me we are not talking or having chatty conversation. I have forgiven them but I am not subjecting myself to their presence or conversation.(another blog) This is for simple day to day interactions that go on and if we claim to be Christians we need to LOVE as such. This is where Altitude Over Attitude goes into action. It's not because we're better BUT we SHOULD behave better. Disclaimer:I do want to clarify something. If someone has done bodily or mental harm STEER CLEAR. We are called to LOVE but not put up with abuse. You can love from a distance. Matthew 5:16 Even so, let your light shine before men; that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Altitude over Attitude

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Altitude over Attitude: Am I the only one who wakes up somedays Altitude overwhelmed? By that I mean tired of taking the high road or being the bigger person that G...

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Altitude over Attitude

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Altitude over Attitude: Am I the only one who wakes up somedays Altitude overwhelmed? By that I mean tired of taking the high road or being the bigger person that G...

Altitude over Attitude

Am I the only one who wakes up somedays Altitude overwhelmed? By that I mean tired of taking the high road or being the bigger person that God calls on us to be. One of the hardest things to do is to be nice to people who aren't nice to you or that you honestly don't like. Last week in bible study we were talking about the difference between like and love. We all came to the conclusion that liking everyone is impossible for us all and some even struggled with loving everyone. No matter how much the pastor tried to explain we should dislike the action not the person the more our eyes rolled at the notion. What do you do on days like this? I retreat and save as much Altitude I can for my day to day dealings at work because you cant openly NOT LIKE your coworkers right? Here are some things I do. I am sure to have some one on one time with just me and God. I won't lie and say I get up early every day and read and meditate but I know for a fact when I do my mood and attitude is better. Then I listen to my favorite gospel singers. If Tasha Cobb or Tamela Mann don't move a stubborn attitude and soften the spirit I need to stay home that day. Lastly, I have to remember WHOSE child I am and represent. Those things are what make me speak to someone I would rather not, help someone that I know wouldn't help me or even overlook pettiness as if I don't know it was done. When we read about turning the other cheek this to me is part of what that looks like. Having ALTITUDE over ATTITUDE is the goal we all are shooting for. Do a daily ALTITUDE check before you leave the house daily because you never know when you'll be called to inspire that very person whose "spirit" you don't like. 🤗.

Being Imperfect Apology

Heyyyyy!!!! I am really kicking myself in the butt as I discovered that I had comments and people following me and my lack of knowledge didnt even realize it. I just discovered comments and messages from 2018! Wow! Now I know and letting you know I wasnt ignoring anyone and actually was feeling down that no one ever replies! It really lifted my spirits to see people were replying but made me mad at myself for not seeing the function I set up! If you dont already please follow my page on Facebook and I plan to begin a vlog next year because I love to talk. 🤗 I also believe we lack stuff like this for my age group and people striving daily to live holy before God but realizing we are still just people too. I will do better.

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Tis THE Season

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Tis THE Season: There is something about the holiday season that brings so much stress for the last few years for sure. It started the year my brother basic...

Tis THE Season

There is something about the holiday season that brings so much stress for the last few years for sure. It started the year my brother basically disassociated himself from the family so everyone was sad, mad or both. It felt like someone close had died although he's still here. (For the record I was just mad) Then every year following someone close died! Most times more than one person. Being in the Pastors family I dont think people realize the things we see, hear, or get called on for. We are expected to be a constant strength even when we are at our weakest moments ourselves. Then add life, in general, on top of that. I have always been a selfless person which sounds like a great thing in writing, and most times is. But being selfless can at times cause me to forget me because everyone else needs me. I have gotten better at taking time for me, oddly enough right now in my life my workplace is where I get the most emotional reset time because while I'm there I am not dealing with anything but work. Off work my brain is back on full "what needs to be done" mode and if there is a crises going on that is double brain energy. The thing I have realized is while all the craziness is going on if I don't have any time to spiritually plug in I am way worse off. Since the end of October I have been so emotionally drained. Now I'm just drained period. The thing is being drained doesnt make anything stop at all. My care about list is still in need of me. My husband still needs me to wife, the kids still need me to momma, the immediate family, which includes my friends, still needs me to Sharhonda and the list goes on. I have gotten to the point now where I feel like any wrong words said to me out the way by people whose behavior is usually ignored are going to get it full throttle no holds barred because I am using every inch of nice I have in my personal life on my care about list. Meanwhile, since I have noticed feeling this way I am going to start back taking some real time with God to get some real direction and understanding before I end up resentful of those things that tug at me. I know I'm not the only one who gets in this mind frame. I know there are many naysayers when it comes to God and in some cases spirituality but in my life experiences the only solution to when I feel like this is God and His divine intervention. The feelings only intensify the more I don't spend time meditating and praying So I am setting a personal goal for myself to take a break from day to day havoc to have a oneness with God before I go completely nuts. I compel you to do the same if any of the things I said in this blog sound familiar. Meanwhile, take care of you during this time and try to not blow up over holiday dinner.

Work Ethic

Some months back I had surgery and a couple of my besties were over keeping me company while my husband napped before his then night shift began. We had been talking for a while just about frivolous things. Then my husband woke up, he asked about lunch, then his coffee...had I saw this or that? This went on for about 30 minutes until it was time to leave and he stopped gave me a kiss goodbye, told me he loves me, would call me and left. One of my friends instantly said "Awwww that's so sweet how he gave you a kiss bye and said he loves you! I want a husband!" I looked with a blank stare and asked her DID YOU MISS THE 30 MINUTES OF CHAOS PRIOR TO THAT!" She had not really noticed that until I re-ran it to her and we all laughed about it! I told that story to give an example of what people see marriage like versus what it really feels like. I often have people that see our pages and public interactions that we share and comment how cute a couple we are and some say how they wish they were married. I absolutely a ree that we are an adorable couple hands down but I am always transparent about the work we are constantly doing on ourselves and our relationship. In society we are taught that love is all we need. I compel you to change your imagery of marriage before jumping that matrimony broom because although love is a must have, it alone is not enough to keep two people joined or not near as many marriages would end. Andre and I do have the advantage of history with one another so he knew I was crazy way beforehand. Not to mention being people who both have been married before we went in eyes wide open. I also sat down and told him every single fault I have. Then I admitted that he will definitely need to have a relationship with God because the only way those things would change would be through prayer because I was okay with my faults. He must have started right away. But he was willing to work through or accept those things. On the flip side I was willing to accept his as well. A made up mind to stay and work and fight through the not so cute times goes further than love. I know at times I am not so easy to love those are the times beyond love kicks in. My husband is my best friend but he also can drive me crazy like no one else can. But God+Love= a made up mind of dedication for me. So the next time you are looking at that cute couple on Facebook or wherever just know that although the cute love is real so is the work to keep it together. What is your work ethic when it comes to commitment?

He is All Knowing

Around 2016 I asked God to take away my dreams and really shut down a lot on my prayer life. To give some background I am fully aware of my spiritual gifts, and one of them is my dreams and God always tends to send me people (women) with like experiences to mine for me to talk to. I have random people that just pour their whole life and heart out to me, and it isn't because I always look approachable. I call these encounters appointments from God. But when I am not focused spiritually all my gifts shut down. So with that being said I was really irritated with my prayers over my personal life. It just seems like years of prayers just floating in the air. I even redirected it and still to no avail, but it seemed I was getting confirming dreams but they never manifested so I asked God to take the dreams and fell off a lot spiritually. Not so much that I didn't pray at all but it was nothing like normal. When I asked for prayers to go it's like it all got wiped away. Well, about a month and a half ago I realized that I am truly in a good headspace. I realized that God was not ignoring my prayers but was actually answering them the way He does, in His time, and beyond what I asked for in various parts of my life. I also see that if He would have answered the way I wanted I would not be the woman I am right now. My husband is an absolute blessing of course to me, but I also see the picture so much clearer for my life. When I came to that realization I said, "Ok God I'm ready, send me my next appointment!" I started back praying more diligently, my husband prays with me and for me and my growth. I haven't EVER had a mate to do that, and I definitely need it. He even prays over my Godly assignments. We have decided to be more diligent in praying over the children because we recognize at their various ages they all have struggles. But I also have started purposely talking to God every day, interceding in prayer beyond my immediate family. I have three people I pray specifically over after I asked them did they have something they want me to pray over, and God sent me my assignment! I forgot how focused and leveled I feel when I purposely seek God. I look forward to continued growth for me and my husband. I wrote this to not say it was ok to shut down but to let anyone know that we all hit rough spots. We all wonder if God is listening to us when we don't get the answers we THINK we should. I am far from a picture of perfection, I still have to purposely seek God and His wisdom, even when I don't feel like it. I am writing this to say God is waiting on you to realize He has your best interest in mind even when there is a delay, and to guide you in to your purpose. Don't give up like I did because even though He may not answer the way you want, His answer will exceed your desires.

The Merge Part II

A month or so ago I wrote part one talking about the challenges we have faced merging with the kids. The second half is merging with the family. The last few weeks I have realized that I am "family sheltered". Meaning I am used to the way my family dynamics are so I assumed for the most part all families function like us. When Andre and I started to officially date again I told my parents, and he started coming over more to get acquainted with our family dynamics and be subjected to the test of intentions. Once my family saw he loves me and I loved him AND it is real they accepted my husband with open arms. This didn't take long, they don't judge his past behaviors. All they care about is who he is now. My husband is a sweetheart, jokester, petty and a grump all in one and we all as a family are fine with him, just like we are with each others good points and flaws. In actuality, it was harder trying to date me than it was to get in good with my immediate family this includes the hard time my Daddy gave him just because he is real protective of his girls although we are grown women. We are definitely Daddy girls. We support and cheer each other on with any positive endeavors we face. We are not perfect and we get on each others nerves but ultimately we all have each others back and no one dare think they will mistreat any of us because we stand strong for each other including my husband, he is now part of that us. I will be honest and say that I knew things would not be the same on my husbands end of things. Call it a gut feeling, a gut feeling that I had to decide whether I was willing to deal with. I as a wife expect to get blamed for ANY AND EVERYTHING when it comes to my husband. If we leave a function early it has to be me. If we don't go, my fault. If he doesn't hang out, MY FAULT. Then add in assumptions that are made in regards to my personality. My husband is incredibly sweet to me and patient. When people aren't around us regularly they get the impression that I run all over him. I am constantly picking at him about this assumption because they obviously do not know him. He like most men CAN NOT be ran. Nonetheless, that is the dialogue and since that is the dialogue I am again the bad guy. Just to confirm of course I am very spoiled, my Daddy wouldn't have it any other way but I also spoil my husband. From the outside looking in my strong personality combined with my spoiledness looks like poor Andre doesn't have any chance, but he has a very functioning way to draw a line in the sand when it comes to me. He doesn't have to beat on his chest or declare his manhood, no real man does, but we work together to make decisions and he is very familiar with saying NO when he doesn't agree. Unfortunately, this isn't something that I think will change much in their thoughts and who I am as a person personality wise may not be their absolute cup of tea but in my delay to write this blog I became okay with that. Don't get me wrong I love my extended family but I also realize just like with my blood family loving people isn't always enough, nor does it change what they want to believe about you. Meanwhile, he and I are just learning to accept people for who they are and when we can dealing with them on that level. I know this isnt a feel good kind of blog because there is no happy resolve as of yet, but it is truly an important one to see if you are married or considering getting married in a similar situation. The biggest help has been us having each others best interest at heart and making unified decisions. We remember that we are each others priority first as God intended us to leave to cleave. Maybe at some point with growth and maybe time we all will honestly grow on each other.

The Merge Part 1

I previously wrote a blog summarizing our last 6 months as a married couple and how important it is to me for people that look at our love and wish for something similar to understand the effort and constant compromise that goes into this machine called The Abernathy's. I think it is important for people to be transparent and give information that can help others if at all possible. I stated before that my husband and I met as teenagers 14 and 15 years old. We had a couple of reconnect efforts through our adulthood that didn't work because we just weren't ready for one reason or another. With that time apart he and I both have previous marriages and kids. Combined we have 4 children, 25, 21, and 8 year old boys/men and a 16 year old girl. With these kids comes 1 ex wife that we have to deal with regularly(8 yr old), and from my side an ex husband(kids bio who isn't active) and kids dad(who raised them). We don't have to have any dialogue with the 25 year olds mom because he is 25. So let me take this back to our courtship. I was not an easy person to court because unlike my first marriage I was very aware of the effort that goes into a marriage and how even more complicated it becomes with children involved. The children generally are not the issue but more so the parents. So let me say none of our challenges have been a surprise but still were a major headache from day one in addition to just getting used to each others children and how they have been reared. Let's start with my end of things. When Andre and I started to see each other this last time I had just made a decision that I no longer was going to wait on someone to love me the way I knew I deserved, but he and I were/are still good friends and co-parents. He and I had been in an on and off again for 12 years, and I was very open with my husband about that time period and how we resolved to just be friends and co parents. I knew because of the kind of person my husband is this would be a bit of a struggle for him because 1 this man is not the kids biological father and two we truly are good friends and he is present in regards to the kids. In society now it is hard for people to believe that people that get along that well would not be together so my husband has pondered why it didn't work. The biggest issue has been him feeling like my kids dad didn't have boundaries. I am not a man so I most times thought my husband was being petty BUT would definitely listen to his concerns. As a result I address my kids dad about my husbands concerns and he respects it. My husband doesn't always know that I address these things because it's usually a result of a simple mention from my husband that lets me know something bugged him but as his wife I don't ever want him to feel disrespected from anyone on my end of this relationship. I also work extra hard to be more transparent. This used to be really easy for me as a younger woman, but I have to purposely be open to divulge information without feeling controlled. In return he knows that I hate feeling boxed in and gives me space. This has helped a lot with this particular area in our marriage. It doesn't mean I always agree but I respect what my husband feels because we all know that we cant control someone elses feelings. The next thing that has been work is my teenage daughter. I smile while I type this because I just know someone is reading already feeling the struggle before I even go in detail. Our boys are pretty mellow. They do dumb stuff here and there but their disposition is pretty steady. But the only girl in the bunch is her mommas child combined with puberty. One minute she will be skipping around here laughing and playful and the next you can barely get a hello out of her. She is a daddys girl, which means she is spoiled on top of being the only girl around her age in our immediate family at home and church. Well, my husband has never lived with a teenager let alone a moody teenage 16 year old girl. She makes him nuts lol "Baby why doesn't she come out until everyone is in bed? Baby why doesn't she ever come out of her room? Why is it dark in there?" My reply is usually the same, "She is a teenage girl" There have been times my husband has felt she was disrespectful or mean to him and came to me. I always recommend us all talk and resolve, mainly because everything I say to him he feels is me taking up for her. But when she talks for herself with no prompting he knows I am not taking up for her or making excuses. They hate that I do that but that to me is the only way. The kicker is he fusses at me when I fuss at her. There is NO WINNING lol But us all talking has improved the dynamics of the household, made her more aware of his feelings and is helping him get to know her better. So now lets talk about one of my fears that caused hesitation in us moving forward when we were dating, his 8 year olds mother. I knew before he did the struggle because again she was used to certain things with him and these things were no longer going to be happening. That's the short version. With that came instant resistance to allow my husband to see his son where this was not a problem prior to him declaring our relationship. Before you ask yes she is married, and I assume happy with who she is with but when people are used to treating you a certain way they get funny when that is no longer ok. Of course I became the big bad wolf in her eyes and we had to seek legal action. The good thing is we now have concrete visits, and it truly helps to keep the peace and a reasonable amount of time with the child. I again was not surprised but definitely not used to this sort of thing anymore and I got so irritated with it all. My husband and I of course had a couple of fall outs because we both were just frustrated. I even ended up in the ER I had got so mad at it all compiled with other extended family issue I had with 180/100 bp. This is when I had to really start to pray, and my husband and I decided this wouldn't be something that we would be arguing about because it's not about anyone but his son. Since we resolved it legally any shenanigans from there were minimal and ignored, again we realize we cant change her behavior but we can change how we react to it. In reading this I hope you see a beginning pattern that we have developed to acknowledge, address and resolve things immediately. No we don't always agree but we respect each other. We also keep in perspective that our marriage comes first and how we communicate, respect and deal with each other overflows into any dilemma we have even when it comes to our precious ones. If you are a step parent you have to love your spouses kids or when the other parent is behaving badly you wont consider the overall effect it has on the child. When they themselves are acting crazy you wont care to get to the bottom of it. I can say we genuinely love each others children and have treated them as our own. That is key. The Bible says that God is our first priority then our spouse then the children. If we as husband and wife get understanding and respect each other after seeking GOD first then when we confront these issues we can be on firm ground and unified to resolve them. We also keep each other level. I hope these examples help someone. Please give feedback.

Wisely Respected

For a while now I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my upbringing and the people that played such a major part in my rearing from my grandparents that have all gone on, to my parents who still provide all of us in the family so much wisdom about life, relationships, and spiritual growth daily. If they notice something airy with any of us they will surely address it. We even have adopted the concept that we are a village and it takes a village to raise kids, it takes a village to help cheer on a solid marriage, it even takes a village to help after a divorce to help repair. Our Matriarch and Patriarch, if you will, are the wisdom extraordinaires in our village and we respect them and utilize them to the fullest. If things get to crazy my parents have been known to call whoever has lost their mind to the table, with our immediate family (grownups only) so we can all talk it out and hopefully talk some sense into the person that has somehow strayed. Even my husband has jumped right in, sometimes I have to say HEY DONT TELL THEM THAT because he is so comfortable with our dynamics he will tell it all because he knows he is on level ground and its safe. My family doesn't take sides outside of RIGHT and WRONG. This means if I'm wrong I get called out for that and have to give account for it. Even in child rearing my sister and I both do a lot of yielding to family thoughts and suggestions. I always thought for the most part this was the norm in all families. I have always respected my elders and was required to have a certain type of etiquette period when it came to dealing with people. I think society has went very wrong in dropping some of the traditions those that came before us insisted on. In the effort to make life better for our children and ourselves the result is a bunch of rude, self entitled, and non ethical people that have no respect for elders, let alone wisdom. But in the world today so many people don't want wisdom, they don't want anything that goes against what makes them FEEL good and if you know like I know wisdom doesn't always feel like a happy time. So many parents have decided saying yes ma'am and no ma'am is a slave mentality, or to ask a child to do anything for you such as get a glass of water is just down right wrong. Heaven forbid you do like my parents did and do random room checks and phone checks because then you are invading their privacy. By the way I did ALL of those things to my kids with no shame. But then we wonder why so many of our younger generation is so confused, and crazy...its because society decided to reject wisdom, and parents have decided to make their children their equals and friends instead of raising productive sensible adults. Now don't get me wrong we have all had our share of wayward moments. That is to be expected with growth but to have a good foundation has helped me even in my lowest points in life. I am so glad I was not brought up in a time where respect was optional, or where parents treated me like a little grown up. I am even happier that I people around me that gave wise sound advise. Lastly, I'm grateful to still have a direct line to that wisdom. Maybe the world as a whole should re-think this new age way because it doesn't seem to be benefitting our children nor society. Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Imperfectly Perfect "The Abernathy's"

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Imperfectly Perfect "The Abernathy's": Well I am 6 months in to being a Mrs. This time last year I was smack dab in the middle of planning our wedding. I am not afraid to say that...

Imperfectly Perfect "The Abernathy's"

Well I am 6 months in to being a Mrs. This time last year I was smack dab in the middle of planning our wedding. I am not afraid to say that is a task I would never want to do again so it is a good thing this is until death do us part. The last six months has been very interesting to say the least. I think it is important to write this because I think it is so important for people that see us to know that each day is a new adventure and we too face challenges. We just make choices everyday that our marriage is worth it. One of our challenges has been me being a tad selfish. I have spent years learning how to care about myself as a priority and to not feel guilty for doing that.Prior to that I did a lot of catering to anyone I was close to, add in being a single mommy and that basically left me drained of mental energy for myself. It wasn't until my son graduated and went to college did I kick more into a SELFish mode. I bought a 6 speed sport car that basically only seats me comfortably and maybe one passenger, I moved into my apartment with only my teenage daughter and me in mind without any thought of ever having to share space outside of us two. Annnnd I finally was sleeping smack in the middle of my bed comfortably.I cooked when I wanted, made up my bed or not when I wanted, and came and went as I pleased. I was ok with me finally. As SOON as I got SELF love down pat then"here come Mistah" making me share and consider him too. For him, this is a concept he has easily mastered. He is very thoughtful in his actions most times but at times gives me the side eye because I am not so much as thoughtful as he is at times. I will cook and share most things I have with him but for example when Andre gets in bed he pulls all the covers back so we can easily both get in, but when I get in bed I pull down my side only leaving his side fully made up w decorative pillows and all. It took him 5 months to finally one day point it out and express how selfish that was. I thought he was just being overly sensitive but after days of him pointing it out and ranting " started to remember more to pull his side back too. More so he would stop fussing, but also because I could see his point after days of him exasperatedly saying "Baby LOOK you You did it again!! This is ridiculous!" It was just an unconscious action, but one I obviously need to work on so I try to remember. This is a minor difference but one of many we have had to work through. Another adjustment is our personalities that mesh well most times but just like the saying says the same thing that makes you smile will make you cry, in our relationship its more like the same thing we love is the very same thing that works our nerves about each other. For people that dont know I am a very strong personality. My life experiences had to do one of two things make me strong or break me and God saw me through to be strong. Most times my strength is admired by Andre. He loves how strong I am, and realizes my strength doesn't make him weak. But there are days he has to pull rank on me by usually saying "Hey you're off the clock, so you can stop SUPERVISING now". I try to not be bossy but it is second nature for me. In most cases Andre ignores it unless its something he cares about, then he says no. I usually pout a bit but I get over it. Andre is such a sweetheart to me and gives me compliments and lots of affection. I always would feel bad that no one ever wondered if I was ok, or if I took time to eat or checked on me period. Andre does that and I make him nuts with that too. lol I am not used to "checking in" so I forget to say I made it usually until I have been wherever for about an hour. Another thing that often causes us to side eye each other is we have different ways of looking at almost every important scenario. Part of it is how we were raised an part of it is things we have experienced in our pasts so we have a bag full of emotional luggage that we are slowly unpacking the more time that passes. Lastly, I have 2 kids from a previous marriage but there is also the man who raised them that they acknowledge as their dad that I was in a very complicated relationship with for over a decade. Then he has 2 kids from a previous marriage and a previous relationship. Reading those last two sentences should give you a good idea of the challenges there. Oh and believe there are challenges! Then add we are over 40 and both set in our ways! People see us in pictures and think oooh they are cute, and WE ARE SO FREAKIN CUTE! I agree! And our happiness and love are real.I don't want to be like a lot of couples that display perfection, meanwhile they are acting a fool in REAL LIFE. I like people to know the real of any relationship is great Godly foundation and 100% from both people. Everyday we face different challenges. Andre works alllll my nerves some days and I turn around and work alllll of his nerves the other days but we are blessed with wisdom from previous relationships gone wrong, real love for each other, a true friendship, great counselors that have our best interest in mind and most of all our spirituality to help us get through each situation. Although we are far from perfect we are imperfectly perfect for each other and I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you Andre for putting up with me, AND You're Welcome!

WHOA! I Kept Going

It's no secret that I have had a very busy year. I don't do a lot of sharing of my personal life other than the pictures of my family, my husband and an occasional shout out to a love one or a flirty note to my honey. But it has been really busy especially the last 90 days or so. The obvious is I got married. Andre and I have a combination of 4 kids total 25, 20, 15 and 8.Three boys and one 15 year old girl. That dynamic alone is interesting to say the least. Andre has had to get used to how teenage girls behave and getting along with my kids dad. I have had to get used to a little person in the house and,although we have never met, being civilized with his youngest child's mom.We are getting used to sharing space with each other and disagreeing in a way that is productive for us when it is all calm again. That has basically been my life until about a month ago. Things escalated a bit in our household to where we had to be more aggressive about some things and we had to spend unnecessary money which anyone that knows me knows I hate spending money but I did some fussing and kept going as usual. Then my parents called me about one of my little cousins that had been very sick battling diabetes and it was not looking like she was going to make it. I kept going. On top of all of that this was the year for the Semi Annual Womens All Night Prayer Retreat and I had not put everything all together for it or even felt confident in the material. I kept going. So on Thanksgiving weekend we were told that my cousin was non responsive and they made the decision to remove her very young 33 year old self from life support and let her go in a peaceful way. The day of myself and as many family and friends that could handle it stayed in the room with her until she went. I have NEVER done that before but I just didn't feel right leaving the room. I kept going. The following week on Friday I lead the All Night Prayer Retreat from 10p-4a went home took a nap and went to my cousins funeral at 11 that I also had to sing at. I kept going. The next week Andre and I got some resolve and actually a win in our situation but I ended up blowing up about the way things were handled or agreed to. I kept going. For about a week I started to feel a bit out of it,my heart was racing and my blood pressure was higher than normal.I hadn't been sleeping near enough because there was so much going on, on top of my husband working nights I was restless. Finally, on a Thursday I called my Dad after Andre left for work and told him how I was feeling. After we went back and forth about my symptoms he told me to go to the ER. Long story short I got to the ER and my bp was 180/101. WHOA!!! That night I stayed at the hospital for some hours with my mom, daughter and friend until my bp went down. This is when it hit me how much I had dealt with and suppressed over the last couple of weeks and how much better I needed to do in taking a break,and dealing with whatever was happening. Then I needed to rest from dealing with it. Anyone that knows me would describe me as a strong person. I wouldn't disagree with that too much,but I would disagree with the fact that people don't believe strong people need a break or time to regroup. Not only do others not realize it, neither do the strong people aka me. But seeing my blood pressure that high and thinking I would have to take medicine, or even worse have a stroke, really reminded me of the fact that I do need breaks and have to force in relaxation, and exercise more. Great thing is no meds, and Andre and I exercising together on top of me cutting my salt intake down has lowered my blood pressure to a normal number. God reminded me that I am not invincible and my peace mentally and spiritually directly effects me physically. I can't just keep going and stuff things away. And I definitely can not go without God's guidance and peace. I am not sure who needs to read this to know even the strongest people struggle with emotions and frustrations. I say to you an myself TAKE TIME FOR YOU to rest, heal, and pray. That is the only way to KEEP GOING.

Fearless Power

My family went on our summer vacation a few weeks back to Biloxi. This was the first trip with my fiance' and my niece so it was very exciting. I came back joking about how I almost drowned in the Ocean after getting thrown off of a jet ski. Recently, I have been mulling over the verse "God has not given us the spirit of fear, but He has given us power!"I tied that verse this week in to my experience out there in the water. Anyone that knows me knows that I am scared of large bodies of water and heights but in the last two years my family has managed to get me to fly in an airplane and most recently adventure out on a jet ski in water that I could not touch the bottom with my feet. Now initially I was not going to go. My fiance had even expressed his concern with me going. But I was in a "live a little" mood so I said ok I will give it a try. I talked myself through it because my son is a deep water certified life guard and I can swim. I knew he would take it easy with me because he knew I was scared and if I was going to trust anyone it was going to be him to rescue me. So I watch my sister and daughter ride a bit, and initially my son and nephew on the water. They were all doing ok. So now it was my turn. I get on and Caleb(my son) tells me to lock my hands around his waist. We are flowing through pretty easy. I am nervous but calm. We made our first lap and it was all ok. We made round two casually chatting and when we went to turn we got thrown off of the jet ski. I went under water and felt nothing. I had enough sense to swim up but once I got my head above water I was terrified of all of the things that could go wrong. My son was reaching for me telling me to trust him and grab his hand. I wouldn't do that because I was terrified he couldn't pull me and all I kept thinking was he is just a kid. Then he started to try to coach me and remind me that I can swim and I started crying because I didn't trust my swimming either. I tried to pull up onto the jet ski and it kept dipping into the water so I was afraid it would flip over. At this point Caleb is really frustrated that I didn't trust him enough to at least reach out to him. I froze holding on to the back of the jet ski screaming DON'T LET ME DIE!!! Finally, one of the workers in the ski place came and asked did we need help, and I said yes. Caleb began to tell him that he can help me I am just panicking. Eventually, they got me back on and I made a b-line for the shore! Today I was reflecting on that day and how I let fear take my power away. I could swim...I had a trained life guard there...and I had on a life jacket, but I was so afraid I didn't use any of the tools I had. WOW!!! Isn't that how the devil tricks us with fear??? We have the power of the Holy Spirit and a direct line to God through Jesus and we will let our own fears make us NOT utilize our power! Caleb is a good example of Jesus reaching out to us saying take my hand I have the skills and tools you need but instead of taking His hand we stay in that deep water stagnant and frozen in our situation. The part I left out was when they guy came to help he could stand in the water. So even though it was deeper than my height I have swam in water way deeper before with no problem but by this time I was frantic with what? FEAR! How many times has God brought us through something and then the very next thing that happens we panic and forget that if He could deliver us out of far worse situations then He definitely can handle the simplest of them. What the devil does though is whisper that fear in and convinces you that all things are hopeless and you are powerless. He is an eloquent liar and unfortunately we often fall for it. After it was all said and done my son just shook his head at me and I had to even laugh at myself because I had behaved badly but I learned a great lesson of why that verse is so important and more than just a cliche we use. The power that God gives us exceeds any issue or problem we may have if we use it. Don't forget about your power and most definitely don't forget to use them even when you may be afraid.

A Fancy or a Feeling?

Anyone who knows me knows that one of my favorite movies to watch over and over is Sense and Sensibility. I even referenced it before in one of my blogs. The movie is a story of 4 women who lost the head of the family and during these times he could only leave his inheritance to his son. At the beginning of the movie he begs the son to take care of his sisters and their mother(which wasn't his mom) while he is on his death bed. Long story short the son didn't do what he promised and they were left on their own. The movie describes their struggles of living without near as much income, and finding love. The younger sister was a lot more passionate in regards to expressing her feelings compared to her older more reserved sister. She was questioning her sisters feelings for the man she desired and in her rant she asked her "Is love a fancy or a feeling!?" I love that sentence in the movie. I took it as can you take or leave him whenever, or do you truly desire this person to be in your life beyond on a whim. The last time I wrote I was in a weird place in my love life. I had been dating someone from my past and was really unsure where it was going to lead. Thinking back on it I was super guarded because I was honestly worn out from the whole dating scene. I had been dating someone that would do anything for me EXCEPT commit for 13 years! I tried dating other people but failed miserably at it. In 2017, I decided I was perfectly happy with myself! I loved sleeping smack dead in the middle of my king size bed. I didn't have to give account to anyone when I wanted to hang out or go somewhere. I was a happy bachelorette. It took me up until that point to get there, but I was happy with who I was and decided I was not willing to settle just to have a body laying next to me. Right when I make up my mind to be happy here comes this man from my past wanting to date me and really be with me. I didn't believe him so I really was dismissive and not the easiest to deal with. I thought he was one of those guys that see you are a good woman and even though they aren't ready they know they SHOULD be with you. We were nine months in before I truly started to take him seriously. NINE MONTHS! I guess he figured he needed a lot of help with me because in the mist of that he re-dedicated his life to Christ, got baptized again and STILL found time to complete my list of things he needed to do to be with me. Then one day it was like God himself whispered my prayer in my ear and showed me this man was my prayer answered. At first I thought maybe I was regretting that prayer and needed a re-do. The more I pondered it, the more God reminded me of that prayer. I realized that I was rejecting the possibility because I had got conditioned to what I had been dealing with for years.I wasn't used to someone openly showing me affection.The lack of those things was the very reason I prayed for those specific things in my prayer for my mate.I missed them. Things like random I love yous, kisses, compliments, wanting to spend time with me and talk to me, and TRANSPARENCY!!! I will admit God had to really work with me. He remained persistent and finally one day said, "Sharhonda I am not going to stop pursuing you until you tell me that there is no chance you want me." I was and have to admit still a bit afraid to trust someone else and I was REALLY happy in my singleness finally in a way I never thought was possible. I also realize relationships are a lot of work. IT is so much more than a "fancy"! So much communication, and compromise goes into it. It's deeper than lust could ever be. I kept telling him "I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO ANY WORK!" I was totally in a selfish mode and being with someone is a selfless act. I had to make up my mind although I was happy with me did I want to grow old alone? Did I want to reject a possibility because of my past experiences? Plus, this is a good guy do I REALLY want to reject that? And lastly... Did I love him enough to make a real go of being in a relationship? I realized I really love this man. I am not sure how that happened in the mist of me fighting tooth and nail along the way.(again poor man!) I mean I gave him the blues! I don't know if it was his tender way of dealing with me, his respect for me no matter what, his persistence or how safe and covered I felt with him but I truly loved him. I think it was his renewed spirit that drew me in, because no way would have the patience he has with me without that. We started dating again in April and began officially dating December 2017 and were engaged by March 2018 AND getting married in September 2018. I am about to be a MRS!!! I am shocked myself and to link up with my first love I ever had again in my 40's is totally a surprise. There God goes again answering my prayers in a totally unexpected way.God is something else! So what I have learned is when I pray and get the answer to that prayer accept it! God said yes and my crazy self said no for 9 months! That is long enough to bring forth life yawl! God brought forth a new life for me without me even realizing that was what was going on! I guess that is why I am admittedly an IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN.

Every Dog Has His Day

My grandmother always had these phrases for situations and at the time it sounded like normal Gan-Gan babble. But now I can recall most of her phrases and they make perfectly good sense. This weeks phrase that matches my life is "Every dog has his day"! Have you ever been in a situation where it looked familiar but in reverse? Meaning the players are different and now you are on the other side of the situation. About six months ago I prayed for God to send me all the things that I was missing in a relationship someone who adored me, wanted lots of kisses and affection and lastly was not scared to commit. Now if you are reading this you are probably seeing the flaws in my prayer...but at the time I thought my list was pretty concrete at the time. Well God sent me EXACTLY what I asked for...nothing more nothing less...EXACTLY the list I stated. I realized that what I needed was way more than I thought. I am so used to getting the other things such as stability, reliability, like mindsets and secure with the person I was with all the years that when all of that was gone and all I was left with was what I prayed for it about drove me nuts!!!! I now know exactly what the 80/20 decision is like. I still gave it a try though because after all this is what I asked for right? So about four months in I began to ask God, "Ok, besides the fact that I obviously need to be careful what I ask for what is my lesson in all of this???" I started to see myself in this guy...he was me except a guy version of course. I said he was me because I noticed some of his most annoying behaviors were the very same things that I realized I did myself in past relationships. At the time I just thought the guy was being mean when I called him 5 or 6 times in a day, being jealous when he didnt seem to give enough detail, not ever seemed to be getting enough time even when we had just saw each other. All of those things were happening to me now. Add insecurity to that and it was the whole kit and kaboodle. I could clearly see the error of my ways now. I had them explained to me but never absorbed it until the shoe was on the other foot and here I was trying to explain how annoying these things were to the person who was now doing them to me. That was lesson one, me basically seeing myself! I thought that was it but I still was trying to hang in there because I did like the attention but now my test came. Do I keep holding on to someone for my own selfish reasons like I had been done in the past. I always had men that knew they couldn't be faithful but wanted me for the things I did that made them feel good about themselves. So now do I be that same butt hole? I thought about it for a couple of weeks making sure this wasn't more than a lesson for me and that I may be thinking of getting rid of a potential mate. I prayed on it and pondered and God confirmed that it was just not meant and I wasn't going to try and force it. I definitely knew better than that! I told him and it seemed to go pretty well aside from him not totally getting my explanation mostly because he doesn't see things my way. I know it was the right choice though. Now back to what GAN-GAN used to say...EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY...yes indeed. But when it is your turn those decisions you make determine who you are as a person...I pray that I passed this test and lesson because I don't want to see it again in reverse.

From Desperation to Hesitation

Every since I was a teenager I always had a quick turnaround time on boyfriends. I never went more than a month or so without getting a new boyfriend. If too much time passed without me having a boyfriend I truly thought something must me be wrong with me. This lead to a lot of frog kissing and just all out bad decision making in regards to my dating life. That and my love for a bad boy together and you have sheer chaos in my life. Yes there were lots of lessons learned but if I would have just taken some time to at least consult God and been still for a bit I would have saved myself a lot of grief! Nonetheless, I have learned a lot and grown as a result of it all. Lately, I have been thinking about how un-bothered I have become about rushing into much of anything. Don't get me wrong I want a husband but I am no longer desperate for that. I didn't used to think of myself as a desperate person but isn't a side effect of desperation doing things that are unreasonable, accepting certain behaviors and overlooking good common sense all because you don't want to be without being alone? What I have found is being lonely with someone next to you is way worse than being alone. I have been really tickled with myself this year because I have gotten to a place I NEVER thought I would get. I AM PERFECTLY CONTENT BEING BY MY SELF!!! Don't get me wrong of course I want to get married. But the difference now is I don't desperately want it. That is a beautiful thing in my life right now because I was almost obsessed with getting a husband that I was making myself nuts. People laugh when I talk about how I finally stopped sleeping on one side of the bed and crash right in the middle with all the pillows just for me. I have one child at home full time and she is 14 and my son is 19 and in college and have only saw one man stay over and that is their Dad. I have to admit they are a big reason I have been at peace not jumping from relationship to relationship but God and growth got me to contentment.It is a feeling that I never imagined having as a 41 year old single woman. Single meaning I am not married. To me you are single until then. I listen to a lot of people(not just women) who are scared to death of growing old alone and as a result they make the craziest mate selections KNOWING that it won't work all for the sake of not being "alone". I have been there so many times so I truly get it.But now I value peace in a way like no other, I am so spoiled to reliability and sense-able actions I don't have a desire for anything that may jeopardize that. Look at GOD! It is amazing how God will work a miracle in me just by doing the opposite of what I think I need. He continuously confirms that I do NOT know diddly about what is best for me, and then I turn around and thank Him for not paying my foolish wishes any mind. Thank you Lord for taking me from Desperation to Hesitation.