From Desperation to Hesitation

Every since I was a teenager I always had a quick turnaround time on boyfriends. I never went more than a month or so without getting a new boyfriend. If too much time passed without me having a boyfriend I truly thought something must me be wrong with me. This lead to a lot of frog kissing and just all out bad decision making in regards to my dating life. That and my love for a bad boy together and you have sheer chaos in my life. Yes there were lots of lessons learned but if I would have just taken some time to at least consult God and been still for a bit I would have saved myself a lot of grief! Nonetheless, I have learned a lot and grown as a result of it all. Lately, I have been thinking about how un-bothered I have become about rushing into much of anything. Don't get me wrong I want a husband but I am no longer desperate for that. I didn't used to think of myself as a desperate person but isn't a side effect of desperation doing things that are unreasonable, accepting certain behaviors and overlooking good common sense all because you don't want to be without being alone? What I have found is being lonely with someone next to you is way worse than being alone. I have been really tickled with myself this year because I have gotten to a place I NEVER thought I would get. I AM PERFECTLY CONTENT BEING BY MY SELF!!! Don't get me wrong of course I want to get married. But the difference now is I don't desperately want it. That is a beautiful thing in my life right now because I was almost obsessed with getting a husband that I was making myself nuts. People laugh when I talk about how I finally stopped sleeping on one side of the bed and crash right in the middle with all the pillows just for me. I have one child at home full time and she is 14 and my son is 19 and in college and have only saw one man stay over and that is their Dad. I have to admit they are a big reason I have been at peace not jumping from relationship to relationship but God and growth got me to contentment.It is a feeling that I never imagined having as a 41 year old single woman. Single meaning I am not married. To me you are single until then. I listen to a lot of people(not just women) who are scared to death of growing old alone and as a result they make the craziest mate selections KNOWING that it won't work all for the sake of not being "alone". I have been there so many times so I truly get it.But now I value peace in a way like no other, I am so spoiled to reliability and sense-able actions I don't have a desire for anything that may jeopardize that. Look at GOD! It is amazing how God will work a miracle in me just by doing the opposite of what I think I need. He continuously confirms that I do NOT know diddly about what is best for me, and then I turn around and thank Him for not paying my foolish wishes any mind. Thank you Lord for taking me from Desperation to Hesitation.