The Merge Part II

A month or so ago I wrote part one talking about the challenges we have faced merging with the kids. The second half is merging with the family. The last few weeks I have realized that I am "family sheltered". Meaning I am used to the way my family dynamics are so I assumed for the most part all families function like us. When Andre and I started to officially date again I told my parents, and he started coming over more to get acquainted with our family dynamics and be subjected to the test of intentions. Once my family saw he loves me and I loved him AND it is real they accepted my husband with open arms. This didn't take long, they don't judge his past behaviors. All they care about is who he is now. My husband is a sweetheart, jokester, petty and a grump all in one and we all as a family are fine with him, just like we are with each others good points and flaws. In actuality, it was harder trying to date me than it was to get in good with my immediate family this includes the hard time my Daddy gave him just because he is real protective of his girls although we are grown women. We are definitely Daddy girls. We support and cheer each other on with any positive endeavors we face. We are not perfect and we get on each others nerves but ultimately we all have each others back and no one dare think they will mistreat any of us because we stand strong for each other including my husband, he is now part of that us. I will be honest and say that I knew things would not be the same on my husbands end of things. Call it a gut feeling, a gut feeling that I had to decide whether I was willing to deal with. I as a wife expect to get blamed for ANY AND EVERYTHING when it comes to my husband. If we leave a function early it has to be me. If we don't go, my fault. If he doesn't hang out, MY FAULT. Then add in assumptions that are made in regards to my personality. My husband is incredibly sweet to me and patient. When people aren't around us regularly they get the impression that I run all over him. I am constantly picking at him about this assumption because they obviously do not know him. He like most men CAN NOT be ran. Nonetheless, that is the dialogue and since that is the dialogue I am again the bad guy. Just to confirm of course I am very spoiled, my Daddy wouldn't have it any other way but I also spoil my husband. From the outside looking in my strong personality combined with my spoiledness looks like poor Andre doesn't have any chance, but he has a very functioning way to draw a line in the sand when it comes to me. He doesn't have to beat on his chest or declare his manhood, no real man does, but we work together to make decisions and he is very familiar with saying NO when he doesn't agree. Unfortunately, this isn't something that I think will change much in their thoughts and who I am as a person personality wise may not be their absolute cup of tea but in my delay to write this blog I became okay with that. Don't get me wrong I love my extended family but I also realize just like with my blood family loving people isn't always enough, nor does it change what they want to believe about you. Meanwhile, he and I are just learning to accept people for who they are and when we can dealing with them on that level. I know this isnt a feel good kind of blog because there is no happy resolve as of yet, but it is truly an important one to see if you are married or considering getting married in a similar situation. The biggest help has been us having each others best interest at heart and making unified decisions. We remember that we are each others priority first as God intended us to leave to cleave. Maybe at some point with growth and maybe time we all will honestly grow on each other.