Tis THE Season

There is something about the holiday season that brings so much stress for the last few years for sure. It started the year my brother basically disassociated himself from the family so everyone was sad, mad or both. It felt like someone close had died although he's still here. (For the record I was just mad) Then every year following someone close died! Most times more than one person. Being in the Pastors family I dont think people realize the things we see, hear, or get called on for. We are expected to be a constant strength even when we are at our weakest moments ourselves. Then add life, in general, on top of that. I have always been a selfless person which sounds like a great thing in writing, and most times is. But being selfless can at times cause me to forget me because everyone else needs me. I have gotten better at taking time for me, oddly enough right now in my life my workplace is where I get the most emotional reset time because while I'm there I am not dealing with anything but work. Off work my brain is back on full "what needs to be done" mode and if there is a crises going on that is double brain energy. The thing I have realized is while all the craziness is going on if I don't have any time to spiritually plug in I am way worse off. Since the end of October I have been so emotionally drained. Now I'm just drained period. The thing is being drained doesnt make anything stop at all. My care about list is still in need of me. My husband still needs me to wife, the kids still need me to momma, the immediate family, which includes my friends, still needs me to Sharhonda and the list goes on. I have gotten to the point now where I feel like any wrong words said to me out the way by people whose behavior is usually ignored are going to get it full throttle no holds barred because I am using every inch of nice I have in my personal life on my care about list. Meanwhile, since I have noticed feeling this way I am going to start back taking some real time with God to get some real direction and understanding before I end up resentful of those things that tug at me. I know I'm not the only one who gets in this mind frame. I know there are many naysayers when it comes to God and in some cases spirituality but in my life experiences the only solution to when I feel like this is God and His divine intervention. The feelings only intensify the more I don't spend time meditating and praying So I am setting a personal goal for myself to take a break from day to day havoc to have a oneness with God before I go completely nuts. I compel you to do the same if any of the things I said in this blog sound familiar. Meanwhile, take care of you during this time and try to not blow up over holiday dinner.