Character When We Weren't Watching

In my prior post I made  mention of us requesting that people write character letters for Caleb to present as statements of who he truly was. The kids rallied and did a free Caleb letter drive. It was so powerful reading letters that people wrote about how Caleb interacted with his peers...they used words like PEACE MAKER...CARING...GENTLE...LOVING...All those words a parent prays their child is when they are not looking. His peers were so funny because they even had a free Caleb hash tag until he was home. They were so sad when he wasn't home by Friday I felt bad for THEM! I wish I could post every single letter from students and teachers I got but I can't. So I will post a few from his peers that were emailed to me because the rest were typed out.

Character Letters

"The first time I met Caleb Boyd, we were freshmen. Being a new student, naturally he was more on the quiet side. As years went on and he  accumulated friends, I noticed that his shy and meek demeanor never changed. As I got to know him more (this year in particular), I realized that it was simply his personality to be more on the submissive and quiet side. 

In the 3 years of attending school with Caleb, never have I heard him say a bad word about anyone. Being such a small school, many students have experienced drama or some form of altercation with one another, but not Caleb. He always tried to stay away from anything that had potential of a negative outcome. I've witnessed Caleb mediate arguments between his friends and help to work the situation peacefully. Peaceful might be one of the best words to describe his character. Even in his voice, you can tell that he is a kind and meek individual. Not only is he kind, but he's also full of potential and any teacher or student could vouch for that. He has incredible writing skills and has many  goals and aspirations in life. And though the situation and circumstances, I still believe he will do great things because Caleb is driven to further his  education and be successful. I also recall him being very giving. If anyone needed something, he'd be there. If someone looked tired or overworked, he' d make a point to talk to them and see how they were doing. It seemed that he genuinely cared for the wellbeing of others and that in itself made me proud to call myself his friend.You can tell that his kindness is genuine and because of this, he tried so hard to see the good in everyone and he befriended people he probably shouldn't have. He likely did such in hopes that he could steer them in the right direction or provide some sort of moral support for those he felt needed it. I don't believe that the gun was Caleb's in any way. Not only because it doesn't fit his moral character but also because he is a smart, sweet, respectful kid with one of the most contagious smiles I've ever seen. There's a genuine innocence about him that's undeniable. Most everyone at school, including faculty were absolutely appalled when the news came forward and we are all convinced that there is more to the story (likely involving other people) due to the fact that it isn't like Caleb to have or do narcotics nor to carry or own a gun or anything of the sort.

All I can hope is that the truth comes forward and that Caleb will return to school soon and be relieved of the stress I can imagine came with this unfortunate situation.

Natalie"

"To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Morgan Holloman and I have had the privilege of becoming close friends with Caleb during my last year of high school. We met at the first home basketball game where he gave up his seat for me when the top section became crowded. Caleb is undoubtedly one of the kindest people I have ever met. Every single morning before school started, I could count of Caleb texting me "Good Morning!". It has been difficult not receiving those messages. If there was ever a time when I seemed upset or stressed, Caleb was one of the only people that would make sure my day turned around. Caleb and I often spoke about college, mutual engineering goals and the common goal to make our mothers proud. Spanish class was already stressful considering the rigor we were presented with, but turning around to the empty desk behind me where Caleb used to sit has been harder than I expected. My friendship with Caleb is a testament to the fact that the length of time you've known someone does not determine the significance of their role in your life. I recently came across a few pictures that Caleb and I took on my birthday. The image that is being portrayed by the media is not my friend. I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer and I know that God will see Caleb & his family through this hard time. Caleb has goals that no man can stop. Caleb has an impeccable amount of respect for authority and an unyielding amount of honesty. I know that at the end of this process, Caleb will walk away even stronger and resilient than he was before. I have no problem speaking on his behalf. In fact, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to speak about MY friend.

Thank You,
Morgan"

"I been knowing Caleb since the 8th grade. He is smart, funny, well-mannered, and one of the realest friends I ever had. He literally tells me everything and I can go to him for great advice for just about anything. When I found out he got arrested, I couldn't believe that it happened. I really thought I was dreaming, it really didn't hit me until the next day that he might actually get time for something that I know that he wouldn't do. I know he wouldn't do that because its not even in his character to do anything that the police report said. I know he wouldn't steal because he wouldn't even steal a pencil from one of his classmates. He always tells me to do the right thing even if times are hard. so I know for a fact its not his fault. My prays go out to his family and of course Caleb, hopefully the police will let him go.
Nate"

Ok let's be honest most people believe their kids are great...I'm no different...they are mine I'm supposed to think that but when so many people from kids... teachers...kids parent's ...the man he pays monthly for his mattress...to his boss at work KNOW from interactions with your child that is a wonderful thing. This part made me so happy to know he was doing his best to be a good person. We had so many letters by Monday and all of them telling different stories about Caleb. I never profess perfection from my kids or me for that matter. But to AT LEAST know your child knows the right way to live and has listened to something along the way is amazing. I tell people all the time that we do our very best to instill all we can and tell them whats right while we can so we can never feel bad for not doing it. They can never say we didn't teach them or show them the right thing. Kids are like sponges...they absorb what you put in... I'm so glad he has used his sponge wisely in how he carries himself even when we are NOT looking. 

Long Weekend

After channel 16 and 4 reported the story with our family statement, without lies, while the other stations were making up story lines we sat and purposely decided who we would and wouldn't tell. Other than my friend I initially called, and my supervisor I hadn't told anyone. I didn't want people asking me questions or making judgements or speculations. We knew Caleb would be home Monday so we especially didn't want people messing with him or saying stupid things people tend to do. When I sat there I realized I literally had a hand full of people I would tell. Not that my friends aren't my friends...just some of them talk too much. I had to think how helpful they would be in the situation...it boiled down to five of my friends and 1 church member that I would tell. They were my additional sanity. They did just what I needed. Meanwhile, Thursday night I received a text from Caleb's best friend that pictured another boy they went to school with that Caleb was friends with. The picture was of the boy holding a gun that he posted on Instagram. Caleb's friend said that he believes the gun was this boys and that he never liked the boy but Caleb still tried to be the boys friend. We became hopeful that the gun was the one they found in Caleb's car and that maybe we could get Caleb home Friday morning. We disbursed and went home on a high note that we could show this to the police and get Caleb home. The next morning we went to the police station and they said they had already received the picture from the vice Principal at the school and it was NOT the same gun. Sigh....they wouldn't even investigate any kind of way to see if there were prints on the gun that were someone else's even after I explained what's all of the kids were reporting about this other child that Caleb tried to befriend despite of the other kids not wanting to be bothered with him. After leaving the police station we started making calls and talking to people in law enforcement that we knew or anyone we knew that was an attorney. We knew a prosecutor and he basically told us that the ONLY thing the law has to prove is that the gun was in Caleb's car whether it was his or not since it was in his property the charge was on him.but he asked us has Caleb been in trouble before and was he a good kid. We told him no trouble and normal good kid. He told us to get letters attesting to Caleb's character from as many people as possible to present and see if Caleb could get what they call a pass meaning as long as he doesn't get in trouble for a year it will be dropped. So I started to rally as many sources as I could for character letters. I told his best friend. He told the kids and teachers at the school. It was the sweetest thing to see so many kids coming together and boldly asking their parents and teachers to write letters so Caleb could come home. I'll talk more about the letters tomorrow. We were told we could see Caleb from 1-5. I couldn't wait to see him because I really wasn't sure how he was. His dad had stayed with me I'm sure to watch how I was and we barely closed our eyes let alone rested worrying about Caleb's night and having to tell him he couldn't come home until Monday. As soon as one o'clock came I was there with Ma and Daddy. Arthur had an errand to run right quick and was headed there since we had 4 hours we thought. We were in this small room with two other parents and their children. Caleb came out in a orange jail jumpsuit and we smiled at him and told him how  awful that color was on him. He laughed. Then he said I JUST GOT THROUGH READING THE BIBLE AND PRAYING WITH MY CELL MATE RIGHT BEFORE THEY CALLED ME OUT HERE WHAT YAWL BEEN UP TO? I just looked at him in amazement. We all responded WORRYING ABOUT YOU! His response was a slight chuckle and he said I'M OK DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME GOD HAS ALREADY TOLD ME WHY I'M HERE AND HE IS GOING TO WORK IT OUT AND I BELIEVE HIM. DON’T WORRY I'M  OK. I again was amazed at Caleb's calm spirit and responses. Who knew he had such faith. He told us how he and the guy that he roomed with were reading and talking about the bible most times and other than being bored and wanting to go home he was fine. He was on a 48 hour lock down since he was new.We started telling him how the news 7 and 11 were making up stories and I asked did they question him some more or something and they had NOT. I asked him about the boy the kids were saying did it and Caleb wasn't sure who would do such a thing to him because he didn't have issues with anyone but he prayed whoever it was didn't do it again and turns their life around. He also said he refused to point fingers at anyone without knowing for sure because he wouldn't want anyone in that situation if they didn't do anything wrong like he hadn't. I was amazed because honestly that would not have been MY reply NOW let alone 17. Thirty minutes later they told us our time was up. Come to find out visitation was from 1-5 for 30 minutes only. His dad didn't make it to see him but at least we knew he was ok and is far better spirits than we thought he would be. He told us AGAIN to not worry because he wasn't. I kissed my son and told him I'd see him the next day. Another restless night and Saturday came. Arthur wanted to be sure to go so he could see Caleb since he missed Friday. We all met went to the door and was met with a sign on the door that stated "Weekend visits have been canceled" WHAT?????? I won't get to see my baby until Monday!? There was no explanation of why but we found out later that evening the PARENTS had been up there fighting so they locked it all down for the weekend....AGAIN I SIGH... Arthur was especially hurt an just kept saying I haven't seen my baby since THURSDAY! But there was nothing we could do but go home and pray his safety the next two days. I did thank God for letting me see him Friday and knowing he was okay. Arthur's birthday was on that Sunday and he went to church and got back in bed. I was barely eating without someone forcing me let alone sleeping. We all went to church missing Caleb's voice while we sang and back to my folks house to exchange more information. This was the longest weekend ever but God gave me just enough peace of mind when I saw Caleb to get me through it. Amen.

The Call

Disclaimer: This is a long testimonial story so I will break it down into different blog writings daily.  Anyone that knows me knows I  have always wanted to be a mom. Even now I would love to have one more, and if I would have stayed married I surely would have a house full. Given various situations I never thought I'd have children of my own so when I found out I was pregnant the first time with Caleb to say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was so glad God blessed me with the ability to carry and bare two children the very first thing I did when I had chance once the hospital room was cleared was thank God and give them back to Him so that He could guide me in this very hard role called parenting. I have done my best to always raise them as respectful children and I pray regularly for them to make wise choices. An anyone that talks to me regularly knows I have a wonderful support system that I call THE VILLAGE(the kids dad Arthur,  Ma, Daddy, Sis and Brother) to help me stay sane and to help me. I remember what I was like at their ages (12 and 17) and the challenges I faced so I know it's imperative to keep them covered in prayer because I never know what they may encounter in a course of a day. On April 23rd I received a call from my children's school which was a basic recorded message saying the school was having a random drug search and the children are on lock down until the search is done but to not be alarmed. Immediately after that call I received another call from the vice Principal saying I need to come to the school immediately regarding my son Caleb(17). The first thing that came to mind was that maybe my son had marijuana. I didn't believe Caleb was on drugs but it isn't uncommon for kids to experiment right? I rushed to leave work and frantically first called my sister, no answer. Then I called Momma...no answer. Next on the list was Daddy and he answered. I told him about the call and he said he would meet me at the school. I'm all ready to lecture my kid about smoking weed and I pull up and there are police everywhere. I get out of my car and I'm sure my face was puzzled at why in the world there was so many policemen for a little weed. An officer verified who I was and began to tell me that they found a 40 caliber loaded gun w hollow point bullets in it with one in the chamber in his floor board AND the gun was stolen out of Benton. t My only reply was EXCUSE ME WHAT? The officer repeated his statement and I immediately looked at Caleb to see what his eyes would tell me. He shook his head to say it wasn't his gun. A gun? I wasn't prepared for that at all! Where would my kid get a gun from and why would he need a gun? Was he in a secret gang? Did we miss something that was going on? Was he being bullied? Shortly after Daddy showed up and I told him what they said and his face was just as puzzled as mine. They gave me the keys to my son's car and told me they weren't towing it. (Blessing) But of course they were arresting Caleb. I called his dad to tell him what happened so he could meet me.frantically started calling my mom and sister and sending text messages as to what was happening. I still couldn't get anyone to answer so I called one of my close friends because at this point I was beyond frantic. I didn't know whether to believe Caleb or strangle him. I am not a parent that ever likes to say what my kids will never do because lets be honest we have all done things our parents probably never thought we would...it's called free will so I just was unsure what to believe. We all (the village) met at the police station, and at that point we all had mixed emotions about what was going on and so many questions. Finally the officer came to get me since Caleb is a minor they couldn't question him without me present. Caleb said it wasn't his gun, he doesn't know whose gun it is. He did admit that he never locked his doors because he was too lazy to. His story didn't waiver or change. He willingly took a dna test to prove he never handled the gun. The detective kept saying that Caleb didn't fit the bill of what they usually see and he really didn't believe it was his gun but that he knows whose it was. Caleb said he had no clue. I gave him the DON’T TAKE A CHARGE FOR SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T DO talk. He continued to say he wasn't and he absolutely had no idea. I believed him but I also realized that things were really serious. Because not only was it a gun but a stolen one as well. The more the detective talked to Caleb the more they realized his character but their hands were tied because the gun was in his car. Daddy came up because Caleb asked could he talk to him and he told him the same thing he told us that he didn't do it and the gun wasn't his. My dad believed him. The detectives started trying to call the prosecutor to ask if they could just release Caleb to me instead of him being locked in juvenile all weekend because he truly seemed like a good kid. The prosecutor said no not only would he have to go he had to stay until Monday because all of them were at  conference. My child had never been away from me in a strange place he didn't want to be. He never waivered the or even cried all he kept saying was it's not his gun and he didn't know whose it was. Of course when I had to tell everyone Caleb had to stay there were lots of tears. I couldn't allow myself to be overly emotional all I could think of is how can I get my baby home. The detectives let my mom go back an again Caleb pleaded his innocence. They called for transport and I was trying to get Ma and Joanna (my sister) out before they came through with Caleb in but I was unsuccessful and it was so sad to see that and my mom an sister broke down. Caleb asked the officers could he hug my sister so she knows he is ok and they let him. We all met at my parent's house and decided who we would and wouldn't talk to about it. The list was very short. I realized that I have quite a few friends who just talk too much so I didn't feel comfortable even talking to them an then there's the ones that always look for anything they can look down their noses at. We didn't need any extra drama or questions as it was. We went just in time to the school to get the car because the media was like hunting dogs chasing a rabbit. I was so overwhelmed and worried about my baby an then I had  strange number calling and when I answered it was a reporter. I was too exhausted and handed the phone to my Daddy. He told her we will make a decision whether we want to issue a statement. The phones were ringing with people who knew kids who went to Caleb's school and obviously told them what happened but it's funny people that never call all of  sudden calling as if they weren't calling  to be nosey. We still said nothing. My daughter started hanging up on her that were calling fishing for information. We decide to issue a statement from the family stat Caleb's innocence and caliber. We were grateful later for the opportunity because that reporter was the ONLY reporter who told the truth. The other stations seemed to have wrote their own story because I suppose the truth wasn't good enough. They weren't able to release his name but they released everything else plus some of their own extra lies with it. I couldn't believe that day was happening and only could pray for my son's protection and livelihood.  God remember  how I gave you my babies back right after you blessed me with them. He is yours please watch over and keep him. Amen.

Dating is Not a Foreign Concept

Dating for real??? I will be one of many to say that being single is challenging. One of the most frustrating things for me is the whole "so called" dating process society has put in place. My Daddy always taught me that a man should want to spend time with me openly and get to know me without automatically assuming that after he would be getting anything aside from a good conversation and a thank you and if its really good another date. Unfortunately, a lot of men have somehow lost this process along the way and replaced it with coming to each others house and "hookin up" with each other, which I often tell my friends is a trap which will leave you most times feeling very disappointed in yourself.  This is something I even have to admit I have fell for. (Imperfect remember?)When  I tell a man we can meet and bowl or eat dinner I have heard men complain that women just trying to get a free meal. I would think if you are pursuing me seriously I am worth a meal at the least sir!!!. I really get annoyed that if/when I go on a date the man thinks my cookie is up for negotiation and often asks if he will be rewarded with it if we go. It always amazes me that anyone would think buying a meal is equal to me giving one of my best assets in exchange. Seriously? 😐 I can go on and on about this topic but believe it or not this is not a griping post...recently my faith in the dating system was restored. I'm disappointed to say I was so used to the craziness I didn't recognize the TRUE process initially. Let me say first  Im not bragging at all but merely reassuring my sisters all hope for true dating is not lost. When I started dating this man he told me his intent in regards to me in the beginning..and what his needs were...and we set our own rules and boundaries along the way. It helped that we are friends so we could do that fairly quick and honestly. Men know what they want yawl...they aren't confused as they pretend to be or we like to believe they are. Dont rush them but dont believe they have no clue what plan they have in mind for you. They do. A big part of my goal is to be a peaceful place for him when we are together  so we go places together just for fun whether it be a walk in the park, dinner or whatever just to spend time. We dont always have to spend money....the time is what counts. When we are out with each other he is very complimentary and chivalrish which unfortunately I had gotten used to not having. Am I the only one who has been on a date and was sure people looking had no clue we were out together because the person seemed disconnected...Now I can't imagine life with anyone that didn't exhibit these characteristics . Most of all we usually do stuff that caters to my need to talk...lol He knows I love to talk and since we both have hectic lives I have lots to share and ask and for that time period I have his undivided attention. We talk on the phone but there is nothing like face to face conversation and feedback. I am not sure how it will all pan out for us but I have to say he is and has restored a lot of ideals that I thought for sure were mere fantasy in our society. Yessssss....all hope is NOT lost for us. So take it from one single person to another dating isn't a lost practice...don't sell yourself short or conform to anything less but be reasonable in your expectations.

I know its been a while since I wrote and so much has happened over the months I can't even begin to know what to write about first...I can definitely say that I have had some significant changes in how I see things...and I have been forced to step out of my comfort zone in so many areas in my life...work pushes me...church pushes me...my family pushes me...and my love life pussssssshes me. It's like God is sharpening me in all these areas at once and with each thing I learn in each area I am using what I learn in those other areas. Lets take patience...in my current position I have to have continued patience with all things that come about. That helps me in my leadership roles at church and dealing with people in a patient way. That spills over to my family...and love life. At some point I prayed for patience, which I won't ever do again, and God allowed me to go through situations that called for patience beyond what I ever thought I had. Now it's like I'm testing on what I have learned. Lord I hope I'm passing. I will do better with writing because if just one person can read and somehow learn something from my crazy life it's worth the time. Bye for now.

Naked

Some years back before I had my current job I remember sitting around having girl talk with my then co-workers, all women. Somehow we got on the topic of insecurities about our bodies and at the time I was very insecure about my body and I still struggle with that from time to time.  I'm sure it's from some things that happened early in life that I dragged with me into adulthood but that's another blog day...so we are talking and I'm telling them how when I got married I never wanted my husband to see me naked. I would hurry and turn the lights out and jump under the covers...until he got tired of it and flipped the lights on and hijacked the covers one day and reminded me he thinks I'm beautiful. Of course they were all shocked because to know me you'd never think I'd have such a hangup. Then one of the ladies said something that was crazy to me at the time but now makes perfect sense to me. She said she just walks in takes everything off and says HERE I AM EVERY BUMP, STRETCH MARK, CHUBBY SPOTS AND SCARS. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT OH WELL YOU CAN GO. I thought she must be nuts but she had the right idea. Why do we spend so much time trying to hide who we are for people. Now let me elaborate. ..I'm not encouraging we all walk around nude by any means but I am encouraging us to be able to be free to be us and realize anyone who can't accept us for who we are is not meant for us an besides you can't hide forever right?  The great thing about God is we don't have to hide because He knows the NAKED truth about us AND He STILL loves us! We should never be afraid to be who God has designed us to be. If you have a problem with your weight...eat better and exercise...if your spirit is ugly get in your Word and tighten your relationship with God but don't turn off the lights an hide under the covers afraid of what man will think or how they will judge you...be bold in you design and only be concerned about what God sees and how He sees you when you are naked before Him.

Dark

Have you ever turned all the lights out in a room and when you first turn them off you cant see anything at all clearly? Have you noticed as you continue to sit there it seems to get lighter and you can see a little better and if you try hard enough eventually you will be able to see through the dimness. This is a great example of how the Devil tricks us into believing our darkness is actually not so bad. I can't tell you how many times in my life I have done things knowing they were wrong and at first I feel horrible thinking of how wrong it is but the more I do it the more comfortable I get in that wrong and then it doesn't seem so bad. The world is definitely designed that way and our flesh adjusts to our sins easily but if you notice even when you are in that dark room and your eyes adjust where you can see a tad bit better....you will still move slowly and run into things here and there until you finally turn the lights on. We are the same way in our sin. We move around about our lives ok, making it but all the while slowing down our blessings. We try to get comfy cozy in out dark ways but the Spirit keeps whispering to us that we are not living the way God intends to the point we are never fully comfortable until we correct that dark behavior.  Lets not get so comfortable walking in our darkness that we ignore that still small voice of righteousness and miss out on the great things God has for us in the light.