I like Who Likes Me

When I was a little girl I used to always be so proud of the fact that I had 4 grandmas. I had Madea and Gan-Gan which were my parents mothers and I had Granny and Gramuh which were my grandma's mothers. They are all with God now and I still often think on things they used to say or do and I wish that I had sense enough to tap more into their wisdom while they were here. I spent the most time with my moms mother who I called Gan-Gan and her mom who I called Gramuh. Gan-Gan always had saying that were interesting at best. I am 41 years old and am FINALLY starting to understand what she was saying when she would use these little sayings and I couldn't agree with her more on all that she said. She would say stuff like "every tub has to stand on its own bottom" which meant in short that each person has to be responsible for their own actions and take care of themselves. Recently, the one that has been replaying in my head the most in my dating adventures is "I like who likes me" I decided that as usual she made a great point right? Why waste your time liking someone who doesn't care anything about you or doesn't want to be with you? So I started my "I like who likes me" quest. I'm finding this to not be a small task at all. I have a really hard time with believing that just being nice to me and a good person is enough to commit to. What about attraction and desire? Or intellect and common interests? What if I can't STAND to see or HEAR you eat? Nonetheless Gan-Gan knew better than me so I have been giving it a whirl. I met this great guy online. He had great conversation, same religious beliefs as me, own home, vehicle, retired but working, not jealous, gave me enough space, and thought I was great. I would send him pictures of me all the time so he wouldn't be shocked when he saw me in person. He would rarely do the same but I figured he was shy. As time went on I noticed he was in no hurry to meet me it seemed. Finally, I started to push the issue and we met. He was totally the opposite of what I expected him to be. I kept trying to run through my mind "like who likes me" and how great a person he is. I felt really shallow but I knew that meeting was the last meeting he and I would have. I felt like I definitely was failing at this "like who likes me" conquest. When I talked to my mom about it but at the time she didn't shed much insight. I think she even giggled a bit at the story as I told her. So after that I started to think, "OK, I'm going to like who likes me and I'm attracted to". So back to the drawing board and I decided to take a break from the online dating because it was just too much nuttiness for me to decipher through. I started seeing someone else almost immediately after that. He is a nice person, shares my same religious beliefs, hard working, wants to spend time with me, thinks I'm fine the way I am, and wants to be in a committed relationship with me....BUT he still lives at home and has no car which imposes a HUGE issue for me. Now if I were my 20's to 30's year old self then I would jump right in and help him get on his feet, walk him through the process and all of that. But 41 year old Sharhonda says look you need the basics in life for me to take being with you as a serious option and being a nice person is NOT enough for me to be in a relationship, so get all of that together and then maybe we can talk. So as I'm sure you can imagine NOW I'm starting to think that this may be the very ONE time that one of Gan-Gan's saying made absolutely no sense at all. Someone is probably reading this and thinking that I am IMPOSSIBLE to please. The guy with all of it together wasn't attractive to you and the one that is attractive to you is broke YOU CANT HAVE IT ALL LADY!!! I know I tell myself the same thing but I don't want to put myself in a situation where I will end up hurting someone else because I know that I am not truly into them the way I should be in a relationship. So I finally decided to ask Ma what on earth Gan-Gan meant when she said "I like who likes me" because that concept is not working at all for me right now. She must have felt my irritation and told me that Gan-Gan didnt mean to force yourself to like someone you are not attracted to nor to settle for just anyone that wants you but to NOT chase after someone who doesn't want to be with you. She meant if she liked him and he liked her great! But if she liked him and he didn't like her then he could go on his way as would she. When she said broke it down to me it was definitely an AH HA moment and I again realized that I still had a lot of growing to do. I was also so relieved to hear that I didn't have to force myself into these situations that I knew I would not be great in and that it was ok to still have standards set and stand up for them. Whew! I know that my guardian angel probably shakes his head often at me but thank God for still leaving me with some wisdom to tap into when I have it all wrong in my head and hopefully as I grown I can do the same for someone else. Meanwhile, I'm still working on "Liking who likes me" Psalm 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.