Waging War

 I wrote in a previous blog that I made a promise to God to be celibate for six months unforced. I say unforced because I have went six months before but once it was because I was married and my husband was in prison, and any other time was because me and whoever I was with were on the outs. The times I have tried to do this without either of those being the case,  I hadn’t made it completely through, but this time my determination is totally different. When I first started I won’t deny it was torture, and the time before this time I was consumed with thoughts of having sex. It seemed everywhere I looked sex. I would wake up with texts on my phone about sex, I would get random pictures and when I would lay in my bed at night the desire was so strong I had to start forcing myself to go to bed early just to keep from calling him. It was so magnified that I swore I was being tortured. I went online and my feed was filled with sex, my inbox always had a tempting offer, and I felt this overwhelming loneliness that seemed to increase my desire. It was just crazy to me what was going on.  This is what drove me to research being tested and temptations. I found that God does not tempt us to do the wrong things. We have test to take us to the next level and grow. However, the devil’s job is to always attempt to make us fall away from the right things causing us to be at a spiritual depletion. All he needs is that one little foot in to start a downhill spiral of mess in your life. Usually, I will give in an its like I go through this phase of ridiculous over indulging!  I would often think I was off the wagon may as well go all the way! It seems ridiculous but I know I am not the only one that has ever thought that. I decided I could not do that this time…something had to be different so I could get a different result or it turns into pure insanity on my behalf.  I saw that I indeed was being tempted so that I could break my promise yet again, which after it was all said and done would lead me to the same frustration, guilt, and   shame…AND having to start ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!  So.. I not only acknowledged that I was being tempted but also dealing with a stronghold! I like to define a stronghold like my Pastor/Daddy as our “favorite” sin. That thing that you know you need to cut out but you like it so you don’t want to. J I am not afraid to admit that I absolute would rather not go without it for any amount of time. When I realized the devil's plan it’s like a new energy took over! I acknowledged the struggle, saw where it came from and was ready for battle just to find that the battle was in me knowing so I can be prepared and take the precautions needed.  If I know that certain people, and places will take me off of what I have promised God then I got rid of them. I started to disconnect from the groups that seemed to only talk about sex, erased any pictures or videos in my phone, if a text came thru and I knew that person was known for just wanting sex I wouldn’t even open it before I erased it. This is something I had never done before when I tried to do this. Now let me say this before you all get all big eyed judgmental..NO I wasn’t taking everyone up on their offers prior to this time of fasting at all. I generally have one person in my life and a backup plan. I know that sounds horrible but it’s true.  However, when I made that six month pledge it seemed to get hard to even tell the ones I told all the time no, no. BUT when I identified the devil and what was going on its like all the noise in my head stopped.  My body wasn’t so amped up all the time! My thoughts weren’t always on that but more so on my promise to God. I was amazed at how most of the uncontrollable thoughts and urges stopped. I said most because I am still human and blood runs through my veins of course!The great part is I pray and ask God to refocus my thoughts and just like that He does. He is my hiding place mentally as well!  Amazing!  I still have offers of course, who doesn’t? I even had someone tell me the other day that I have said this before and broke it so why not break it with him now? WOW! Thanks for reminding me how determined I am to at least keep this promise this time!!!  I am usually a basket case by now but not even that is going on. I admit I have very little cushion for nonsense but that is my character anyway. I told this very personal  story to say this….We have to be more aware of the war we fight daily against the prince of darkness. The battle we fight is not a joke! It’s not always as simple as we dismiss it to be, but when you know and identify what is going on you are already taking steps to defeat the devil. God never intends for us to be in the dark however we have to WANT to see the light. We are waging a war everyday against satan…but no battle can be won without the proper tools and awareness. Ask God to show you YOU….and be ready and willing to start chiseling away that old you, and walking into the new better you. What better way to break endless cycles than to pick a new path planned out by God.