MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: What's Love Got to Do With It

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: What's Love Got to Do With It: I remember being MUCH younger and my Daddy not being fond of who I was with at the time(this happened a lot when I was young) or my decisio...

What's Love Got to Do With It

I remember being MUCH younger and my Daddy not being fond of who I was with at the time(this happened a lot when I was young) or my decisions I was making. He was giving me a good talking to about how foolish I was being and examples of how what I was doing made no sense. I was so upset and in tears listening to him suggest that I need to let go and started to reply with "BUT DADDY IM" and he immediately cut me off with "But what???? you're IN LOOOVE WITH HIM???" I said yes and he shook his head and laughed at me with that look all parents have given their children when they know that child has NO CLUE what they are doing or talking about. Then he responded with, "AND WHAT THE HELL DOES LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT...YOU THINK EVERYONE YOU LOVE IS SOMEONE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH?" I thought my Daddy was crazy back then. What in the world was he talking about??? I thought love conquered all like in the movies where people took impossible situations and made it work all because they are IN LOVE!!! But since those many years ago I can say I have seen repeatedly what he meant by that. I now know that sometimes loving someone is simply not enough and if two people get together and can't communicate effectively, be loyal to each other, work hard towards common goals and above all else put God all in their business and relationship, simply loving each other won't be enough. It's a great notion, and it looks beautiful in love stories but without these things it's just not reality. Two people can truly love each other and just not work if one is not where they should be in life spiritually and/or mentally, or just not be willing to make healthy changes that benefit your relationship . I said all of this to say sometimes you have to go beyond your heart and go with simple spirit lead logic. I know from experience it's not easy to do. This is coming from me, a hopeless romantic and I have had to go against my "in love heart" repeatedly since this talk with my Daddy. I am 41 years old and even now facing a situation where I'm pretty sure I will have to go against what the heart wants again. I am still learning and it doesn't hurt any less than it did over 20 years ago. One thing I have to remind myself and you is to not be afraid to move on, and don't keep trying to add pieces from one puzzle to a different one. It just doesn't fit. I have been in so many situations where I really wanted things to work out but now I see clearly why it just wasn't meant to be. I have got a little better but even now in life I have to talk myself out of what I know things could be "If only" and remind myself what THE TRUTH of the situation is. Most times emotion takes over the logical side of my brain still because somewhere inside is that same teen age girl saying "But Daddy I love him". So I totally get it when I hear my friends one day saying they are done with a relationship and the next day still wanting to hang in there to work things out. I am patient in listening to their complaints and whoa's because they have to be patient in hearing mine as well. They, like me, are holding out hope of change or better days towards that happily ever after even though they know that it is very possible that is not going to happen with that person. But we still want to exhaust all avenues before letting it go. This can cause more pain than just accepting what God is showing us to be true. I want to end this blog by saying DON'T LOSE WHO YOU ARE! There is nothing that will break your heart more than waking up one day and realizing you have lost yourself trying to please or make something work with someone that is not in it the same as you are. You will resent the time wasted and although there are lessons learned you won't see that until much later most times. Sometime we have to accept that person is not purposed for us or God needs to work on them more without you in the mist of it all. Either way we have to trust God's answer more than our heart in these situations and it will save us a lot of pain and suffering. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Birthday Wisdom

41 of the things I have learned in my 41 yrs....not in order of importance 1. Adulting is not near as fun as it seemed before I was an adult 2. Sometimes love isnt enough 3. My parents really DO know what they are talking about 4. Someone leaving you after you have sex is not the worse thing that could happen....they could actually stay! 5. Love at first sight is lust 6. You can be lonely with someone laying right next to you 7. Age does not equal maturity 8. Kids are the best torture you can ever have 9. Men REALLY dont know 10. Dont ever say what you would NEVER do 11. Friends are not a dime a dozen 12. God is REAL 13. My granny's old remedies work 14. I should have spent more time tapping into all of the wisdom my Grandma's had before they left this world 15. Dont forget your past but dont live in it 16. Learn to do nice things for yourself or you will become resentful 17. Everything doesn't require a response 18. Pause. Think. Breathe. Then speak when in a disagreement with someone. 19. Two reasonable people can agree to disagree 20. 18 isnt Truly grown....neither is 21...and 11 yrs later 30 is questionable 21. You really do get back double what you give. 22. You learn more of what you want in a mate when you have all of what you don't want in one 23. People tend to expect way more from you than they are willing to give themselves 24. Church people and Christians are two different people 25. There is always someone watching 26. Blessings come from the least expected places 27. Communication can make or break any kind of relationship 28. Let HIM do it 29. The one you want the most is usually not the one that wants you the most 30. Just because you dont agree with someone doesnt make them a bad person 31. Metabolism slows down... 32. All men are not the same. 33. Lies sound better than the truth most times but the truth is better for you 34. My mom is more gangster than anyone I know 35. Family doesnt have to be blood 36. It's ok if someone doesn't like me. 37. Snuggling is over rated 38. Kids don't remember as much about material things as they do you being there 39. No man will ever be good enough for my daddy 40. Do my best so I won't feel bad about the outcome 41. Having people who love, support and believe in you can make a big difference in your day to day life. Marsha Norwood Broderick Knight Esugina Baker

Psalm 103:14

Am I the only one that has ever felt like God is laughing at them? I say all the time that I think I am being punished for all of the "fun" I had as a young person. I only feel that way when I am reminded that I am not exactly where I want to be in so many areas in my life. It is so easy to encourage others and believe for them that things will work out for their good but when it comes to my own life I get beyond irritated and inconsolable. I don't even want to be talked out of feeling how I feel. I had a few days like that this week and I must admit I am just now coming out of it...kinda. I did realize that knowing, understanding God's plan and trusting God's plan are not necessarily things that go hand and hand. For a moment I can admit I did neither. Since I didn't understand(still don't) the plan I didn't trust it. I was wondering if God even cared about my desires and needs. I was so mad and hurt I, for a moment, didn't believe God had my best interest in mind. When some may read this they will think that is the most absurd thing I could ever think let alone say out loud. But I dare to say that at some point we have all felt that kind of disappointment or uncertainty especially when it seems that things seem to not ever come together for you. It could be a relationship that failed, money issues, or feeling that no matter how far you try to get ahead things don't pan out. The thing that I have to remind myself in all of these situations I face is that God is in control of ALL things in my life. I absolutely have no control of God's plan for me but I have to TRUST that it all works for my good even when the process makes me feel like crap. Wednesday when I went to bible study I asked the Pastor does God hold it against us when we feel the process is some bull. He chuckled and guided me to Psalm 103:14 "For He knows our frame, He remembers that we are dust." Thank God for that! Can you imagine the trouble we would be in if God never took into account our mindsets and will. I know I would be in a butt load of trouble for sure. This week reminded me that I am but made of dust and in the end I don't know what is best for me. Someone once said to me "Once you realize you don't know anything and God knows it all your life will be so much easier" Even when I think my plan is the best one for me God's plan will exceed any plan I may have. The next time I am mad about something I thought would go my way and don't understand God's choices I will remind myself that..."I am but dust...."

Why is all I have...

Have you ever looked at a situation in your life and want to yell to the mountain tops like Nelly from The Color Purple..."WHYYYYYYY!" ? I get like that on a regular basis and even more irritated that there is no answer to the why. One of the hardest things is to go through situations that work your nerves and not being absolutely sure something positive will happen as a result. I have found in my life that MOST situations either end in a valuable lesson or serve as great testimonies. I'm not sure which this situation is contributing to but I do know it must be mighty powerful because I have NEVER dealt with so many trials at once that I have no control over. I admit I am beyond tired but I thank God for the strength to always keep moving no matter what I am feeling. I know some good will come out of it in the end. I'm just ready for the good to come.

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Blindfolded Kicking and Screaming

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Blindfolded Kicking and Screaming: It seems I write some of my best writings when I am not in the best of moods. Well today should be a GREAT writing because although I am fee...

Blindfolded Kicking and Screaming

It seems I write some of my best writings when I am not in the best of moods. Well today should be a GREAT writing because although I am feeling much better than I was when I first woke up this morning I am still out of sorts as far as my “happy meter” goes. Friday we had our annual ALL Night Women Prayer Retreat and we had an activity where one person leads the other person around with a blind fold over their eyes and each time around they went faster and faster where the person blind folded had to trust the person leading them more and more. The activity was meant to show how relinquishing control to God can be very hard at first because we are not completely trusting of how things will turn out, and we still want to go our own way that we are comfortable with. One of the key points I drove home and we talked about was we have to RELINQUISH CONTROL  so that God can take the lead, and that He knows better than we do what we need and how we need it. Well low and behold I get a test this week in all of those things and now here it is Wednesday and I am just beside myself.  I was driving into work this morning exhausted, and disgusted with a few situations in my life that touch the top three things that can annoy the mess out of me: my family, the man I love, and finance in that EXACT order. It just seems like so much going on in my brain and when I think I am getting my bearings together in one area something else is working my nerves. The thing that is even more annoying none of the situations are anything I really have control over and anyone that knows me knows I may be a procrastinator in most cases but I don’t like my life to seem out of control! The last few days have been exhausting for me and today I am just not happy AT ALL. I was driving in to work with tired eyes and just an irritated, disgusted spirit. I usually turn from the gospel station after Sunday, I know it’s a shame, but this week I just haven’t been able to because I need every bit of the Holy Spirit I can get to keep from going postal on anyone. So this morning I was thinking of how unhappy I am right now and how it seems that God is just having a great laugh at my expense and not hearing me at all in my prayers. Then I questioned am I unhappy that I am having these situations or unhappy that I have to wait on God to fix them? It is definitely the latter of the two. Granted the situations are definitely not ones I would ask for and don’t get me wrong I still think that God is paying me back for all of the “fun” I had as a youth, but  in reality I know God is not out to get me. I venture to say everyone has had moments like this where you just want to pull the covers over your head and put red paint on your door as you hope what seems like THE WRATH passes over you and your household! That is definitely how I have felt today.  I am realizing this is one of those very times I just talked about at the Women’s Prayer Retreat where I need to RELINQUISH CONTROL and it is a test that I can admit I have NOT been passing so far. I have done the exact opposite of what we talked about…I have been kicking and screaming to get my way in my time frame. Then I stopped doing that and tried to figure out a plan for myself.  Last night I just decided to cry until I passed out sleep and then woke up angry this morning. Kind of sounds like a toddler throwing a fit until they realize they absolute are not going to just get their way. I realized that no matter how I kick and scream and cry God has already worked the plan out and believe it or not it is what is best for me. And although it doesn't seem like it now I will thank him for it later. Thank you God for yet again showing me a mirror of ME!