This is the beginning of the 1st chapter of my book...It was the 4th of July, 1987 and I was 12 years old. The summer was at its peak of heat and I was excited for my 7th grade year to begin. My mom and aunt had bought loads of food to eat, and enough fireworks for my little cousin's to torture me with all day. Unless it was a sparkle I wasn't having any part in the fireworks, but I was definitely there for the food. One of my friends mom had to work so he spent the day with us too. I had known him since I was in the 1st grade and we called ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend and ever so often we would give each other a peck on the lips to confirm it. This was the first holiday in a while that my mom actually seemed happy since her and my dad divorced. She had a new boyfriend and that seemed to really lift her spirits and outlook on things. He was a pretty cool guy I supposed because he would always talk to me about grown up things and didn't treat me like a little baby like my family did. He let me watch rated R Movies and never made me go to bed early or any of that like most adults. My aunt was always fun to be around with her colorful language and crazy sense of humor she brought life to any situation. We packed up all of the food and headed to the park to grill and have space for us kids to run wild as much as we wanted in between eating. I spent most of the day trying to shake my little cousin's so I could sneak a kiss which didn't work at all. Nonetheless we had  great time. Once it started getting dark we moved the food to our house where we played music, watched tv and the adults played cards until it was time for my friend to go home. It had to be about 10 when my moms boyfriend took him to his house. I was still up and my mom told me to go to bed. I went to my room where my cousin's were overlapping each other snoring in my bed and started talking on the phone to my friend. He called as soon as he got home as if we hadn't been together all day long. He told me that he and my mom boyfriend had a strange conversation on the way home and he asked him had we had sex before. Sex? I told him it was cool that he always talked about those kinds of things. He still thought it was strange because we thought a simple peck was major for our age but sex definitely was not on our slate. We talked until about 12 and his mom made him get off the phone. I laid down for a while and remembered all the food we had left in the refrigerator and got up for the kitchen. The house was completely quiet and I was guessing everyone had went to bed. I began rummaging through leftovers when I turned around startled to see my mom's boyfriend standing there. He chuckled because he must have seen that he definitely caught me off guard and told me he heard me get up and decided to come talk to me. I didn't think much of it and he started to ask me questions about me and my friend and if we were thinking of having sex. I responded with I'm sure a puzzled look when I told him no. He began to tell me how nothing is wrong with having sex and it's a natural thing to do. The conversation and his tone started to get weird to me but I wasn't sure how to dismiss myself from it so I told him I was going to get me some clothes to change into and go to bed. I  walked into the washroom and he followed me and came behind me and started kissing my neck. I froze because I was shocked. When I turned around and started to say again that I needed to go to bed he began to shush me and grabbed me and started to stick his tongue in my mouth so deeply and all I could taste was cigarettes and his spit. I was thinking of all the things I should do...scream or something but all I could seem to do is stand there as he began to tell me how he has wanted me for so long and how he was jealous that I had my friend over all day. After some time he told me to go to my room quietly. I started to think I had to be dreaming a horrible dream but I realized it was indeed a reality when he shortly came in after me. He told me to be very quiet and that it would hurt my mom too much if she found out he wanted me the way he does and it would ruin her. I didn't want her to be mad at me and I kept thinking how if I would have went to bed this never would have happened. He started pulling my panties off and pushing his fingers inside of me. I started to get loud because of the pain when he told me I need to relax because he has something much bigger than his finger so he was trying to open me up some. Once he realized that there was no way he could go all the way without anyone hearing he stopped. I laid there silently as he told me I couldn't tell anyone what happened or it would cause a lot of trouble for my mom and me and my little brother would be sent away. After he left my room that night...I stayed up the rest of the night wondering whether I should tell what happened...was what happened my fault because I got out of bed...he hadn't beat me so was it really rape? It was the first hardest decision I ever had to make and I was only 12 years old.