Thugged Out

Anyone that knows me knows that I used to love me a thug! Shoot until the last year and a half I was in love with me some Lil Wayne. I know...but I was. As I grew up I realized that was not a reasonable fit for me and the things I desired. Now dont get me wrong now Im not saying they were all bad to me. Aside from the typical issues they were very sweet to me. Sad to say sweeter than the L7 type was or even is now, but their lifestyle and way of doing things didnt match the life I wanted to live. We would have these discussions where I would try to guilt them about the things they did and since their mentality was different from mine and our way of seeing things were totally opposite that would never work and would just lead to an ongoing battle. I remember going to court a couple of times with them for various things. This specific time I remember the judge asking my name and a list of questions. I had never been in trouble other than a ticket for speeding, went to church every Sunday and was a daycare teacher at the time. He had this look of "what the hell?" He knew like anyone else looking in that we were obviously unevenly yoked. In order to realize that I would have had to first be spiritually where I needed to be, which I was not. Then I would have to know that just because I loved someone that doesnt mean that is who God purposed for me.Which leads to...I would have to consult with God before choosing these men. Which again I was not doing. So after seven years marriage and drama guess what I did after my divorce? I got me ANOTHER thug! lol Whats worse is I had a good guy trying to be with me. I never had time for him because I was with my thug love. That went on for a year and it ended of course. Only this time I knew from the beginning it wouldnt work so I wasnt in love. I just was more used to that kind of man. I made up my mind that I wanted to date a man who matched my lifestyle more and had the same ideals as me, and that I could take around family or to a company function. Not to mention now I had two little ones and didnt need all the extra going on with them there. Funny thing was I only was attracting those same kind of men. I became very frustrated and talked to my mom about it. She told me that I attract who I am, and that I have got to make some changes in order to get a different result. This confused me because I didnt consider myself rogguish, I didnt even smoke weed! What was she talking about? Again I was soul searching because I really wanted to do better. Anyone that knows my mom knows she has a sense of humor so she says, "Girl try for you a reformed thug! That way they are not in that life anymore but they can get ignant when needed!" She was joking, kinda but that was a good idea. I had to change how I carried myself, and the vibes I gave off an to who I gave them. That meant I had to change my mentality and the only way to do that was to pray that God show me those things that needed to change in me and listen. Now dont get me wrong Im still a work in progress if you remember at the beginning of this post I admitted to loving me some Lil Wayne not so long ago, but in real life I dont attract thug men. They dont even approach me anymore, and yes there are grown tail men my age still trying to be a thug. Its a mentality remember? So with that being said, if you are stuck in a rut of the same person with a different face. I know you have seen this at least once but let me say it again its not them its YOU and what your putting out there in the atmosphere. If every person you get abuses you, then yes you are putting something out there that attracts that kind of person. If you always end up feeling used or taken advantage of then again look at what you put out. If every person you meet is down on their "luck" without a job, car or place to stay then ummmm....you have the hint. Stop, breath, and learn who you really are. Ask God to point out those things you need to change in you. There may be a healing from a past experience that you need in order to make that change. You have to purposely seek out your revelation.