It’s amazing how much I have grown over the last year. Now
let me first say I am absolutely far from where I should be but I have shed so
many insecurities and self doubts. The thing
that I absolutely do well is fake it until I make it so most times people wouldn't
have a clue of the things that I stress about…unless you are one of the very
few people I open up to and even with that very small bunch I limit what I tell
them. Its just me and God that know exactly what is going on in this head and
heart of mine. The beginning of last year 2013…I was unsure of so many things…financially
stressed….friendships stressed…not really loving my body stressed…..maybe I'm
not good enough stressed…what am I to do now stressed…am I a good enough mamma
stressed…why are you ignoring my desires GOD stressed!!!! I wasn't resting well because its like my brain NEVER turned off! I was STRESSED! The crazy thing about it is I didn't even really realize how
much fretting I was doing. It had become so common for me to function the way I was. I realize now that I was in high gear mentally and just making myself nuts! It took for me to be a true state of peace of mind to realize that I just worrying way too much. Thank God I am no
longer stressed that way. Let me first say this….I do have things that I still have to
work through..And all the things above are still factors in my life. So what
happened? It’s a simple thing that we all hear all the time….I let God have
control in all of it and those things I could fix I started to work on. I committed
myself to not doing things the same way no matter how scared I may be to make
changes. I was sick of getting the same results because I was too crazy to change how I was doing things. It was like an amazing epiphany out of nowhere,but in all actuality it was plain old common sense. Once this mindset kicked in I was resting better and worrying less. The next things I realized was that I was not
loving me nearly enough. I was selling myself short in a lot of areas and it absolutely made no sense at all. Why would I do that to myself??? So I started to focus on more positive things in my
life. Instead of wishing for a body like someone else I love the one I have
and do what I can to be healthier realizing I have never been a skinny girl nor will I be....an in all honesty I love my curves...I just need them to be healthy curves. Anyone with a problem with that isn't meant for me. I don’t worry about my love life because
in all honesty I was making myself nuts trying to work things out on my own….handed
that headache right over to God. God knows my desires... Those broken friendships were necessary and
even though it hurt initially I could see on the back end why it had to be. My phone is the quietest it has been in years. No one is calling from morning to night with their problems and issues. I was taking on their anguish...and adding them right into my stress pool. Thank God for releases that chain that I didn't even realize was weighing me down. This
whole process last year has made me so much more at ease with seeing what God
has in store for me and accepting the choices He has made for me without still
yearning for the opposite of His decision. After all I don't know better than Him. We all have things that we fret
about but we have to be careful to not let those things take over our minds and
consume us daily. That is no way to live. God has so much for us, all we have
to do is believe and trust Him. Each day I do my best to first acknowledge God
and then make a commitment to do my best to be positive in my thinking, and do
my best with each moment I have. Thank God for a new found peace.
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