MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Imperfectly Perfect "The Abernathy's"

MEMOIRS OF AN IMPERFECT CHRISTIAN: Imperfectly Perfect "The Abernathy's": Well I am 6 months in to being a Mrs. This time last year I was smack dab in the middle of planning our wedding. I am not afraid to say that...

Imperfectly Perfect "The Abernathy's"

Well I am 6 months in to being a Mrs. This time last year I was smack dab in the middle of planning our wedding. I am not afraid to say that is a task I would never want to do again so it is a good thing this is until death do us part. The last six months has been very interesting to say the least. I think it is important to write this because I think it is so important for people that see us to know that each day is a new adventure and we too face challenges. We just make choices everyday that our marriage is worth it. One of our challenges has been me being a tad selfish. I have spent years learning how to care about myself as a priority and to not feel guilty for doing that.Prior to that I did a lot of catering to anyone I was close to, add in being a single mommy and that basically left me drained of mental energy for myself. It wasn't until my son graduated and went to college did I kick more into a SELFish mode. I bought a 6 speed sport car that basically only seats me comfortably and maybe one passenger, I moved into my apartment with only my teenage daughter and me in mind without any thought of ever having to share space outside of us two. Annnnd I finally was sleeping smack in the middle of my bed comfortably.I cooked when I wanted, made up my bed or not when I wanted, and came and went as I pleased. I was ok with me finally. As SOON as I got SELF love down pat then"here come Mistah" making me share and consider him too. For him, this is a concept he has easily mastered. He is very thoughtful in his actions most times but at times gives me the side eye because I am not so much as thoughtful as he is at times. I will cook and share most things I have with him but for example when Andre gets in bed he pulls all the covers back so we can easily both get in, but when I get in bed I pull down my side only leaving his side fully made up w decorative pillows and all. It took him 5 months to finally one day point it out and express how selfish that was. I thought he was just being overly sensitive but after days of him pointing it out and ranting " started to remember more to pull his side back too. More so he would stop fussing, but also because I could see his point after days of him exasperatedly saying "Baby LOOK you You did it again!! This is ridiculous!" It was just an unconscious action, but one I obviously need to work on so I try to remember. This is a minor difference but one of many we have had to work through. Another adjustment is our personalities that mesh well most times but just like the saying says the same thing that makes you smile will make you cry, in our relationship its more like the same thing we love is the very same thing that works our nerves about each other. For people that dont know I am a very strong personality. My life experiences had to do one of two things make me strong or break me and God saw me through to be strong. Most times my strength is admired by Andre. He loves how strong I am, and realizes my strength doesn't make him weak. But there are days he has to pull rank on me by usually saying "Hey you're off the clock, so you can stop SUPERVISING now". I try to not be bossy but it is second nature for me. In most cases Andre ignores it unless its something he cares about, then he says no. I usually pout a bit but I get over it. Andre is such a sweetheart to me and gives me compliments and lots of affection. I always would feel bad that no one ever wondered if I was ok, or if I took time to eat or checked on me period. Andre does that and I make him nuts with that too. lol I am not used to "checking in" so I forget to say I made it usually until I have been wherever for about an hour. Another thing that often causes us to side eye each other is we have different ways of looking at almost every important scenario. Part of it is how we were raised an part of it is things we have experienced in our pasts so we have a bag full of emotional luggage that we are slowly unpacking the more time that passes. Lastly, I have 2 kids from a previous marriage but there is also the man who raised them that they acknowledge as their dad that I was in a very complicated relationship with for over a decade. Then he has 2 kids from a previous marriage and a previous relationship. Reading those last two sentences should give you a good idea of the challenges there. Oh and believe there are challenges! Then add we are over 40 and both set in our ways! People see us in pictures and think oooh they are cute, and WE ARE SO FREAKIN CUTE! I agree! And our happiness and love are real.I don't want to be like a lot of couples that display perfection, meanwhile they are acting a fool in REAL LIFE. I like people to know the real of any relationship is great Godly foundation and 100% from both people. Everyday we face different challenges. Andre works alllll my nerves some days and I turn around and work alllll of his nerves the other days but we are blessed with wisdom from previous relationships gone wrong, real love for each other, a true friendship, great counselors that have our best interest in mind and most of all our spirituality to help us get through each situation. Although we are far from perfect we are imperfectly perfect for each other and I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you Andre for putting up with me, AND You're Welcome!